matsuaurore (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
matsuaurore) wrote2014-02-27 10:45 pm
matsuaurore) wrote2014-02-27 10:45 pm
Entry tags:
All these things we don't tell each other (19/20)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
matsuaurore
Banner:lilisan31
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 19:
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore
Satoshi
Ten months later...
I looked at the horizon with a sigh. It was ten months ago but I felt as if it was yesterday. After my start, Kazu called me 10000000 times, I can't know how many times but he was calling me every day. I never answered. I had to be strong. Kazu and Sho had to forget me. Now, I was living in Okinawa, in a house next to the sea. I never felt so empty and sad in my whole life. There was this big hole in my heart and nobody was able to fill it. I couldn't even sleep with another guy because there always was Kazu or Sho in my mind. Jun called me and after one month, I answered to reassure him. He was a precious friend for me and I had to tell him I was safe. I implored him not to tell Kazu and Sho I was talking to him. I know it was horrible for him to lie to Kazu but it was the only way. If he told them, I wouldn't give him any news again. I needed to be alone, to heal my heart and take a new start.
Taking my cap, I left my house to join the beach where I worked for summer. Sea didn't scare me anymore. I even loved it as before this accident. Now, when I was sitting on the sand, I could see Mina's reflect smiling to me.
"Hey, Toshi-kun!" I smiled and waved my hand to Akira. Since I was working and living here, I became friend with this always excited guy. He was two years younger than me and reminded me Masaki because of his bright smile. He was appeasing me and I loved to spend time with him because he knew how to make me forget my pain for a little while.
"Aki-kun! How are you?" I grinned.
"Fine. Hurry up, you are late and we have many clients today!"
"Sorry."
"Oversleep like always, Toshi!" Akira giggled and I followed him in the bar.
"I was tired." I pouted.
"You're always tired." Akira smirked, giving me the glasses.
"I can't help it." I pouted again.
"I know, I know, I love you for that too." Akira laughed. I froze but he walked toward a customer to take his order. Maybe it didn't mean anything. Maybe he just loved me like a friend.
The day went slow but I enjoyed it. I loved to make drinks while looking at the sea in front of me and feeling the winds on my skin. I couldn't say I was truly happy but at least, I felt better. This place was helping me to move on slowly.
"Satoshi!" I blinked and saw Akira smirking.
"Hun?"
"You were dreaming again."
"Sorry. What were you saying?"
"I was asking you if you would like to drink something on the beach with me, tonight."
"Oh, yes, of course." I grinned.
"Don't be late!"
I chuckled. He was too enthusiast. I closed the bar and came back home while humming softly. What could I wear tonight? Maybe I should go like I was. I took a long short and a white shirt and left quickly not to be late as always.
"Satoshi-chan!"
"I'm not late!" I exclaimed, proud of myself.
"Omedetou! Come on, I've already ordered our drinks!" I sat next to him and swallowed my glass quickly, enjoying this rare moment.
"I've missed that so much!" I grinned like a child.
"Satoshi-kun?"
"Hun?" Akira was blushing deeply, two cute shades of pink growing on his cheeks.
"You know... I... We know each other for almost one year and... I like you." Akira looked away, his hand shaking.
"I..." My phone cut me off and I frowned, seeing Jun's number. "Just a minute." I smiled to Akira who nodded.
"Moshi moshi?" I answered, walking toward the edge of the beach, the little waves wetting my feet.
"Satoshi?"
"Hello, Jun, how are you?" I asked through the line.
"Hum. Well, I guess."
"And..."
"Sho is well, I think but Kazu..." Jun cut me off.
"What? How is Kazu?!" I stammered in my phone.
"Calm down, Sato. Kazu...he is very...he isn't well."
"What do you mean?"
"He makes his night terrors again." Jun sighed.
"What?! No! You are kidding! He promised me to move on!"
"I know but... Listen, Satoshi, I think it would be good if you came back. It's worst since your start."
"I can't Jun... I..."
"But Sho looks like a ghost and Kazu... He is at hospital." Jun finally said.
"What?!!!"
"He... He refused to sleep and fainted on the scene during his concert."
"Why didn't you tell me before?!" I yelled.
"Because you left! You said you wanted to let them in peace."
"How is he?!"
"I'm with him, he is sleeping for the moment."
"Jun... Could you... Could you put the phone on his ear, I want to talk to him..." I sobbed.
"But the doctor gave him sedatives, he won't hear you." Jun protested.
"It's what I want. He won't hear me and it's perfect, I want to tell him something..."
"Okay but it won't serve." Jun sighed.
"Kazu? Babe, are you here? I know you can't hear me but I wanted to talk to you. I'm so sorry for making you suffer all this time. I love you so much but I can't continue like that. If you knew how empty my heart is. I... I just want to die but I have to be strong and you too. I... I live in Okinawa in front of the beach, now and I'm happy... No, it's a lie. I'm so sad. I can swim again, it made me overcome my trauma to talk with my parents and it's because of you. Thank you so much, dear. I... Regret so many things but it's too late now. Just...don't forget I love you and will always love you despite my feelings for Sho. Move on, Kazu. Forget me and find someone better than me. I want you to be happy. I love you so much my Kazu." I sobbed.
"Satoshi?" Jun asked when I stopped.
"Tell Sho I love him too." I cried and cut the line before he can say anything.
I laid on the sand, wiping my tears away. I made the good choice. It was the only way...
"Ahhh I missed that!!" I drank my 14th glass, alcohol wining my blood even more.
"Satoshi, you're drunk, you should stop." Akira put his hand on mine.
"But..."
"I don't know who called you and put you in this state but stop, please. I'll bring you home."
"I'm sorry."I muttered, allowing him to help me.
"Where is your bedroom?" Akira asked as we had entered my house.
"This way." I didn't move, making him raise his eyes.
"Satoshi?"
"You're cute." I smiled.
"And you, you are drunk. Come on." Akira grabbed my arm but I pulled him against me and kissed him. He was taller and stronger than me but didn't resist a lot.
"I like you too." I chuckled.
We ended up in my bed, making love with passion and screaming loudly but despite my orgasm, I didn't feel what I was feeling when I was making love with Kazu or Sho. It was pretty good but that's all. No fireworks, no happiness to form one.
When I woke up, Akira was awake and stroking my chest softly.
"Hello."
"Hello." I yawned.
"It was very good."
"Hun. Very good." I repeated like an idiot.
"Satoshi, I know you heart is already taken but I would like to have a chance."
"Eh?" I blinked.
"This call... It was the one you love, ne?"
"Why do you think that?"
"Because you ended up drunk. And while when we were making love and you were sleeping, you said his name."
"His name?"
"Kazu. I don't know who is he nor why you aren't together but let me help you to forget him."
"I..."
"Who is he? You can tell me, maybe I'll be able to help you."
"It's a long story." I sighed.
"I have all my time." Akira opened his arms to allow me to lay against him. I told him everything. Everything since the beginning, including Kazu and I's past. I trusted Akira, I knew he wouldn't judge me.
"You went through a lot, ne?" Akira said when I finished.
"I think so."
"If I've understood well, you are in love with two men."
"It's more complicated than it looks like." I sighed.
"I don't understand why." Akira raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"I love them. I love Sho, he makes me very happy but at the same time, there always is Kazu. Kazu knows me more than anyone else, he knows everything about me."
"But that's a good thing, no?"
"No. Because it scares me. He knows everything, he knows the dark parts of my life as the dark ones of my heart. He... I hate myself, to be honest and with Sho, I can lie. I can show him only the few good parts of me. With Kazu, I can't because he knows me more than I know myself, he knows my strengths like he knows my weaknesses and... I'm afraid of that. That he could hurt me like I hurt him."
"You're complicated. You have to make a choice, you know."
"I've already made a choice, I left. They'll be happier without me."
"You didn't make a choice. You ran away, you took the easy choice."
"Because you think it was easy for me to leave? I'm suffering everyday because of that."
"And did you think about their feelings? Don't you think they are also suffering? Don't you think they would like a true answer? You shouldn't have left without a
word, you should have confronted them. You had the right not to choose one of them but you should have told them yourself."
"It's because I couldn't face them. I... I chose to leave without really thinking about it. I thought it was the best but I felt bad. I miss them."
"It doesn't change you can't date both."
"I know."
"Ne, Satoshi, I was wondering if you really love them both." Akira said after a while.
"Of course, I do." I replied.
"But you told me you started to date Sho to forget Nino."
"At the beginning, I just liked Sho a lot and then, I fell deeply for him."
"But don't you think you are trying to persuade yourself that you love him? My theory is that you wanted so much to forget Nino that you convinced yourself you were in love with Sho." I froze. No. It wasn't possible, I really loved Sho. We lived so many things together, shared so many happy moments...
"I love him."
"If you say so. Satoshi, this bond between you and Nino is rare and deep. Why now he confessed you aren't with him?"
"Because of Sho. Because I love him and..."
"You can't love them both equally. There is one of them more important in your heart."
"No, I..."
"Stop playing the blind man, you know I'm right. You're afraid of a relationship with this Kazu but don't you think someone who knows everything about you would make you happier. Because you would have no shame to be yourself. Because he knows you by heart. Kazu saw something very important that you hid to Sho. He saw your scars. You trusted him enough to share everything with him and trust is one of the most important things in a couple. In fact, you're scared just because you can't lie and play the strong and perfect boyfriend with him because he knows you. He will know with one look if you are happy or sad. But why do you think it's wrong to show your weaknesses? We are Human, we aren't perfect. Besides, you said you were very happy with Sho. With him, you forget your past and your mistakes but are they the best solution. I think to move on and don't make the same mistakes once again, it's a good thing to remember the one you made. It would be easier with Sho because he is the security while Kazu is the unknown but your own father told you the same. With who you wouldn't be able to live without? I know you said you love them both and want them both but right now, who are you thinking about?"
"I..."
"Are you happier like that? Did it make you happier to leave instead of choosing?" I lowered my eyes. Well, he wasn't completely wrong. I wasn't really happier since my start and as Jun said...
"They don't seem happier too. You owe them an explanation, Satoshi because they won't move on without an answer and I think it's even more painful than being properly rejected."
"Maybe you're right." I finally said.
"I am and you know it. Confront them. And if you reject them both, I'm here." Akira stood up and took his clothes to leave. "Tonight, we could go to the Sunset. Maybe drinking will help you to feel better and take a decision after."
"Okay."
At 10 p.m, we arrived in front of the bar. I liked this bar, it was a place where you could spend some time with your friends and forget your problems.
"Two 'sex on the beach', please!" Akira ordered, leading me to a sofa.
"It's bit suggestive, no?"I chuckled.
"You'll see, this cocktail is just too good!" Akira exclaimed.
"You know, you were right this morning. I owe them an explanation. I don't feel better since I left and my friend told me it was the same for them. I like to be here, to work and live in front of the sea but there is a hole in my chest. Even if I reject them both, I need to face them." I finally said.
"I'm glad you understood what I meant."
"But I'm still lost." I sighed. I laid my head on the back of the sofa, listening to the pianist who was playing wonderfully.
"The pianist is pretty cute." Akira chuckled.
"Hum." I didn't look, I closed my eyes, enjoying the beautiful music. Suddenly, I froze, hearing a familiar voice. Turning my head, I saw Kazu at the place of the pianist. What was he doing here?! How did he find me?! Because it couldn't be a coincidence. Kazu didn't like the sea. I started to panic and stood up to leave but Akira grabbed my arm.
"He is here for a reason. I think you should listen at what he wants to tell you. Don't run away again, Satoshi." I stared at Akira who was defying me with serious eyes and nodded, agreeing to sit down. Soon, tears filled my eyes when I heard the lyrics of his song. I felt even more horrible for everything I did to him and to Sho, because maybe he felt the same...
Don't come
And awake my memories
Saying that everything is fixed
That I have to forgive
Don't come
And turn my life upside down, you who have weaken it
Heartless and merciless
Don't come if you haven't chosen yet
If in your silences there is still a bit of him
Don't come if it's to fall asleep
Trying to leave every night
Don't come
Moving heaven and earth
Swearing you don't care about him
If you're not sure about yourself
Don't come
Or else you'll kill me
You keep on swearing to me
But have you really changed?
Don't come if you haven't chosen yet
If in your silences there is still a bit of him
Don't come if it's to fall asleep
Trying to leave every night
I do what I can to sort out
I confuse hate and love because I suffer too much
I couldn't forget the harm you've done to me
If your love is disguised
I'll know it sooner or later
Don't come if you haven't chosen yet
If in your silences there is still a bit of him
Don't come
If it's to lie to me
Trying to leave every night
Don't come
If one day you have to leave
I stood up quickly, making a chair fall and left the bar under people's surprised eyes.
I ran to the beach, falling on my knees and screamed. I hit the sand under me, tears rolling down my cheeks. I wanted to hit someone, I wanted to hit everything around me.
I looked at the sunset in front of me with empty eyes. The little waves were scratching slowly against the sand, the red sun reflecting on the water, giving wonderful colors.
"I knew you would be here." I didn't turn my face, knowing who it was.
To be continued...
A/N: I know I said there would be 19 chapters but my last chapter was too too long, so, I cut it here. I promise the chapter 20 will be the last, I have finally finished this story after searching how to end it. Some readers will maybe want to kill me and I'm sorry for that xD. So, don't worry, the next chapter is the last one this time xD
Author:
matsuauroreBanner:
lilisan31Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I would keep the sex parts for me xD
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 19:
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore
Satoshi
Ten months later...
I looked at the horizon with a sigh. It was ten months ago but I felt as if it was yesterday. After my start, Kazu called me 10000000 times, I can't know how many times but he was calling me every day. I never answered. I had to be strong. Kazu and Sho had to forget me. Now, I was living in Okinawa, in a house next to the sea. I never felt so empty and sad in my whole life. There was this big hole in my heart and nobody was able to fill it. I couldn't even sleep with another guy because there always was Kazu or Sho in my mind. Jun called me and after one month, I answered to reassure him. He was a precious friend for me and I had to tell him I was safe. I implored him not to tell Kazu and Sho I was talking to him. I know it was horrible for him to lie to Kazu but it was the only way. If he told them, I wouldn't give him any news again. I needed to be alone, to heal my heart and take a new start.
Taking my cap, I left my house to join the beach where I worked for summer. Sea didn't scare me anymore. I even loved it as before this accident. Now, when I was sitting on the sand, I could see Mina's reflect smiling to me.
"Hey, Toshi-kun!" I smiled and waved my hand to Akira. Since I was working and living here, I became friend with this always excited guy. He was two years younger than me and reminded me Masaki because of his bright smile. He was appeasing me and I loved to spend time with him because he knew how to make me forget my pain for a little while.
"Aki-kun! How are you?" I grinned.
"Fine. Hurry up, you are late and we have many clients today!"
"Sorry."
"Oversleep like always, Toshi!" Akira giggled and I followed him in the bar.
"I was tired." I pouted.
"You're always tired." Akira smirked, giving me the glasses.
"I can't help it." I pouted again.
"I know, I know, I love you for that too." Akira laughed. I froze but he walked toward a customer to take his order. Maybe it didn't mean anything. Maybe he just loved me like a friend.
The day went slow but I enjoyed it. I loved to make drinks while looking at the sea in front of me and feeling the winds on my skin. I couldn't say I was truly happy but at least, I felt better. This place was helping me to move on slowly.
"Satoshi!" I blinked and saw Akira smirking.
"Hun?"
"You were dreaming again."
"Sorry. What were you saying?"
"I was asking you if you would like to drink something on the beach with me, tonight."
"Oh, yes, of course." I grinned.
"Don't be late!"
I chuckled. He was too enthusiast. I closed the bar and came back home while humming softly. What could I wear tonight? Maybe I should go like I was. I took a long short and a white shirt and left quickly not to be late as always.
"Satoshi-chan!"
"I'm not late!" I exclaimed, proud of myself.
"Omedetou! Come on, I've already ordered our drinks!" I sat next to him and swallowed my glass quickly, enjoying this rare moment.
"I've missed that so much!" I grinned like a child.
"Satoshi-kun?"
"Hun?" Akira was blushing deeply, two cute shades of pink growing on his cheeks.
"You know... I... We know each other for almost one year and... I like you." Akira looked away, his hand shaking.
"I..." My phone cut me off and I frowned, seeing Jun's number. "Just a minute." I smiled to Akira who nodded.
"Moshi moshi?" I answered, walking toward the edge of the beach, the little waves wetting my feet.
"Satoshi?"
"Hello, Jun, how are you?" I asked through the line.
"Hum. Well, I guess."
"And..."
"Sho is well, I think but Kazu..." Jun cut me off.
"What? How is Kazu?!" I stammered in my phone.
"Calm down, Sato. Kazu...he is very...he isn't well."
"What do you mean?"
"He makes his night terrors again." Jun sighed.
"What?! No! You are kidding! He promised me to move on!"
"I know but... Listen, Satoshi, I think it would be good if you came back. It's worst since your start."
"I can't Jun... I..."
"But Sho looks like a ghost and Kazu... He is at hospital." Jun finally said.
"What?!!!"
"He... He refused to sleep and fainted on the scene during his concert."
"Why didn't you tell me before?!" I yelled.
"Because you left! You said you wanted to let them in peace."
"How is he?!"
"I'm with him, he is sleeping for the moment."
"Jun... Could you... Could you put the phone on his ear, I want to talk to him..." I sobbed.
"But the doctor gave him sedatives, he won't hear you." Jun protested.
"It's what I want. He won't hear me and it's perfect, I want to tell him something..."
"Okay but it won't serve." Jun sighed.
"Kazu? Babe, are you here? I know you can't hear me but I wanted to talk to you. I'm so sorry for making you suffer all this time. I love you so much but I can't continue like that. If you knew how empty my heart is. I... I just want to die but I have to be strong and you too. I... I live in Okinawa in front of the beach, now and I'm happy... No, it's a lie. I'm so sad. I can swim again, it made me overcome my trauma to talk with my parents and it's because of you. Thank you so much, dear. I... Regret so many things but it's too late now. Just...don't forget I love you and will always love you despite my feelings for Sho. Move on, Kazu. Forget me and find someone better than me. I want you to be happy. I love you so much my Kazu." I sobbed.
"Satoshi?" Jun asked when I stopped.
"Tell Sho I love him too." I cried and cut the line before he can say anything.
I laid on the sand, wiping my tears away. I made the good choice. It was the only way...
"Ahhh I missed that!!" I drank my 14th glass, alcohol wining my blood even more.
"Satoshi, you're drunk, you should stop." Akira put his hand on mine.
"But..."
"I don't know who called you and put you in this state but stop, please. I'll bring you home."
"I'm sorry."I muttered, allowing him to help me.
"Where is your bedroom?" Akira asked as we had entered my house.
"This way." I didn't move, making him raise his eyes.
"Satoshi?"
"You're cute." I smiled.
"And you, you are drunk. Come on." Akira grabbed my arm but I pulled him against me and kissed him. He was taller and stronger than me but didn't resist a lot.
"I like you too." I chuckled.
We ended up in my bed, making love with passion and screaming loudly but despite my orgasm, I didn't feel what I was feeling when I was making love with Kazu or Sho. It was pretty good but that's all. No fireworks, no happiness to form one.
When I woke up, Akira was awake and stroking my chest softly.
"Hello."
"Hello." I yawned.
"It was very good."
"Hun. Very good." I repeated like an idiot.
"Satoshi, I know you heart is already taken but I would like to have a chance."
"Eh?" I blinked.
"This call... It was the one you love, ne?"
"Why do you think that?"
"Because you ended up drunk. And while when we were making love and you were sleeping, you said his name."
"His name?"
"Kazu. I don't know who is he nor why you aren't together but let me help you to forget him."
"I..."
"Who is he? You can tell me, maybe I'll be able to help you."
"It's a long story." I sighed.
"I have all my time." Akira opened his arms to allow me to lay against him. I told him everything. Everything since the beginning, including Kazu and I's past. I trusted Akira, I knew he wouldn't judge me.
"You went through a lot, ne?" Akira said when I finished.
"I think so."
"If I've understood well, you are in love with two men."
"It's more complicated than it looks like." I sighed.
"I don't understand why." Akira raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"I love them. I love Sho, he makes me very happy but at the same time, there always is Kazu. Kazu knows me more than anyone else, he knows everything about me."
"But that's a good thing, no?"
"No. Because it scares me. He knows everything, he knows the dark parts of my life as the dark ones of my heart. He... I hate myself, to be honest and with Sho, I can lie. I can show him only the few good parts of me. With Kazu, I can't because he knows me more than I know myself, he knows my strengths like he knows my weaknesses and... I'm afraid of that. That he could hurt me like I hurt him."
"You're complicated. You have to make a choice, you know."
"I've already made a choice, I left. They'll be happier without me."
"You didn't make a choice. You ran away, you took the easy choice."
"Because you think it was easy for me to leave? I'm suffering everyday because of that."
"And did you think about their feelings? Don't you think they are also suffering? Don't you think they would like a true answer? You shouldn't have left without a
word, you should have confronted them. You had the right not to choose one of them but you should have told them yourself."
"It's because I couldn't face them. I... I chose to leave without really thinking about it. I thought it was the best but I felt bad. I miss them."
"It doesn't change you can't date both."
"I know."
"Ne, Satoshi, I was wondering if you really love them both." Akira said after a while.
"Of course, I do." I replied.
"But you told me you started to date Sho to forget Nino."
"At the beginning, I just liked Sho a lot and then, I fell deeply for him."
"But don't you think you are trying to persuade yourself that you love him? My theory is that you wanted so much to forget Nino that you convinced yourself you were in love with Sho." I froze. No. It wasn't possible, I really loved Sho. We lived so many things together, shared so many happy moments...
"I love him."
"If you say so. Satoshi, this bond between you and Nino is rare and deep. Why now he confessed you aren't with him?"
"Because of Sho. Because I love him and..."
"You can't love them both equally. There is one of them more important in your heart."
"No, I..."
"Stop playing the blind man, you know I'm right. You're afraid of a relationship with this Kazu but don't you think someone who knows everything about you would make you happier. Because you would have no shame to be yourself. Because he knows you by heart. Kazu saw something very important that you hid to Sho. He saw your scars. You trusted him enough to share everything with him and trust is one of the most important things in a couple. In fact, you're scared just because you can't lie and play the strong and perfect boyfriend with him because he knows you. He will know with one look if you are happy or sad. But why do you think it's wrong to show your weaknesses? We are Human, we aren't perfect. Besides, you said you were very happy with Sho. With him, you forget your past and your mistakes but are they the best solution. I think to move on and don't make the same mistakes once again, it's a good thing to remember the one you made. It would be easier with Sho because he is the security while Kazu is the unknown but your own father told you the same. With who you wouldn't be able to live without? I know you said you love them both and want them both but right now, who are you thinking about?"
"I..."
"Are you happier like that? Did it make you happier to leave instead of choosing?" I lowered my eyes. Well, he wasn't completely wrong. I wasn't really happier since my start and as Jun said...
"They don't seem happier too. You owe them an explanation, Satoshi because they won't move on without an answer and I think it's even more painful than being properly rejected."
"Maybe you're right." I finally said.
"I am and you know it. Confront them. And if you reject them both, I'm here." Akira stood up and took his clothes to leave. "Tonight, we could go to the Sunset. Maybe drinking will help you to feel better and take a decision after."
"Okay."
At 10 p.m, we arrived in front of the bar. I liked this bar, it was a place where you could spend some time with your friends and forget your problems.
"Two 'sex on the beach', please!" Akira ordered, leading me to a sofa.
"It's bit suggestive, no?"I chuckled.
"You'll see, this cocktail is just too good!" Akira exclaimed.
"You know, you were right this morning. I owe them an explanation. I don't feel better since I left and my friend told me it was the same for them. I like to be here, to work and live in front of the sea but there is a hole in my chest. Even if I reject them both, I need to face them." I finally said.
"I'm glad you understood what I meant."
"But I'm still lost." I sighed. I laid my head on the back of the sofa, listening to the pianist who was playing wonderfully.
"The pianist is pretty cute." Akira chuckled.
"Hum." I didn't look, I closed my eyes, enjoying the beautiful music. Suddenly, I froze, hearing a familiar voice. Turning my head, I saw Kazu at the place of the pianist. What was he doing here?! How did he find me?! Because it couldn't be a coincidence. Kazu didn't like the sea. I started to panic and stood up to leave but Akira grabbed my arm.
"He is here for a reason. I think you should listen at what he wants to tell you. Don't run away again, Satoshi." I stared at Akira who was defying me with serious eyes and nodded, agreeing to sit down. Soon, tears filled my eyes when I heard the lyrics of his song. I felt even more horrible for everything I did to him and to Sho, because maybe he felt the same...
Don't come
And awake my memories
Saying that everything is fixed
That I have to forgive
Don't come
And turn my life upside down, you who have weaken it
Heartless and merciless
Don't come if you haven't chosen yet
If in your silences there is still a bit of him
Don't come if it's to fall asleep
Trying to leave every night
Don't come
Moving heaven and earth
Swearing you don't care about him
If you're not sure about yourself
Don't come
Or else you'll kill me
You keep on swearing to me
But have you really changed?
Don't come if you haven't chosen yet
If in your silences there is still a bit of him
Don't come if it's to fall asleep
Trying to leave every night
I do what I can to sort out
I confuse hate and love because I suffer too much
I couldn't forget the harm you've done to me
If your love is disguised
I'll know it sooner or later
Don't come if you haven't chosen yet
If in your silences there is still a bit of him
Don't come
If it's to lie to me
Trying to leave every night
Don't come
If one day you have to leave
I stood up quickly, making a chair fall and left the bar under people's surprised eyes.
I ran to the beach, falling on my knees and screamed. I hit the sand under me, tears rolling down my cheeks. I wanted to hit someone, I wanted to hit everything around me.
I looked at the sunset in front of me with empty eyes. The little waves were scratching slowly against the sand, the red sun reflecting on the water, giving wonderful colors.
"I knew you would be here." I didn't turn my face, knowing who it was.
To be continued...
A/N: I know I said there would be 19 chapters but my last chapter was too too long, so, I cut it here. I promise the chapter 20 will be the last, I have finally finished this story after searching how to end it. Some readers will maybe want to kill me and I'm sorry for that xD. So, don't worry, the next chapter is the last one this time xD
arigato!!
Re: arigato!!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Otherwise how will I know the end of this story?
Maybe a long and painful torture?
Loooool!
Just kidding! But pleeeease!!!! Don't take too long to update!
no subject
no subject
poor Nino, T-T he suffer too much :( Ochan does't suffer him more, make a decision already
I waited for it, thank you for update!! I want to read the nex!! :)
no subject
no subject
I wonder if Akira calls Kazu up.. And I'm wondering about Sho. I hope he'll be fine.
Thanks for updating this one anyway :DDD and pls hurry for the next one XD
no subject
no subject
such a cliff hanger~
btw, thanks for updating and I'm looking forward to the last! (>_____<)
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Et tout ce qu'Akira lui a dit par rapport à Sho, mais surtout par rapport à Kazu c'est exactement ce que je pense aussi ... Après libre à Toshi de choisir. Même si pour ma part, je suis certaine qu'il serait bien plus heureux avec Kazu. Quelqu'un qui te connait par coeur et même plus que toi même, c'est tellement beau. C'est sûr que ça peut être effrayant mais je pense que c'est son âme soeur et puis c'est tout.
Je ne sais pas trop comment Kazu a fait pour trouver Toshi : soit il a entendu quand il lui parlait au téléphone, soit Jun lui a dit, soit Akira ... Fin, bref, le plus important c'est qu'il soit là. Comme ça, Toshi ne peut plus fuir.
A la fin je me demande si c'est Kazu ou Sho ... Parce que je pense que si l'un est venu, l'autre doit aussi être dans les parages ... ^^.
Merci pour le chapitre !!
J'attend la suite et fin avec impatience :)
Bisous love <3
no subject
no subject
En tout cas je commence a aimer la tournure des choses.. Peut-être que tu vas pouvoir revenir vivre en france Haha !
Aller Oh'chan !! Assume ! *Devilish laugh*
Humm.. Je suis quand même perturbé, Ok si Nino pouvait entendre qu'il vivait a Okinawa je comprends qu'il y soit mais de là a connaitre son adresse (même en sachant qu'il aimerait plutôt les endroits prêt de la mer) et connaitre son ami (qui a eu le privilège ou l'audace de coucher avec lui..) WTF ! Kazu a un réseau ~
Ou il a harcelé Jun ?..
Mouahaha j'ai hâte et je suis triste d'arriver a la fin.. Quel sentiment paradoxalement jouissif !
Merci pour le partage Miss !
XOXO, See ya'
no subject
no subject
no subject