matsuaurore (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
matsuaurore) wrote2013-12-20 09:03 pm
matsuaurore) wrote2013-12-20 09:03 pm
Entry tags:
All these things we don't tell each other (chapter 8)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
matsuaurore
Banner:lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 8:
I can't live without my life, I can't live without my soul...
Kazunari
When we learned Sho was in coma, I didn't expect Satoshi's reaction would be so violent. It was as if he was someone else, as if he was becoming crazy. I read the pain and the despair on his chubby face and made a promise to myself. I promised I would never leave him alone, even if he didn't love me or hate me after what happened this night. I hoped time would heal his pain. At the beginning, Satoshi stayed with Sho. He refused to let him alone and maybe he was right. But as time passed, Toshi changed into a corpse. He lost lots of weight and his chubby cheeks. There were big shadows under his eyes and he seemed exhausted. He was a shadow, a dark reflect of himself. It killed me seeing him in this state but what could I do? Satoshi was rejecting any help, any advice and only stayed next to Sho every day, holding his hand. It had to stop. I couldn't bear seeing my Teddy in this state with these fake hopes. We had to be honest, Sho's accident was one year ago and now, there were a few chances he would wake up. I had to help him, to make something before he could make a mistake. But I didn't do anything. Sho's father did it instead of me. He was mean but I thought he was right. Satoshi was destroying himself and Sho's family at the same time. When Shouta forbade Sato to come back again, I saw the distress in my best friend's eyes. He fainted and we decided to bring him in my apartment. Toshi was dying slowly, he didn't eat, stayed in his bedroom, looking at the sky and crying the whole day. When I ordered him to climb on the stale, my eyes widened and a scream left my mouth. 36 kg. Oh my God. He only weighed 36 kg and with his clothes!!! It was urgent, I had to do something!!! I decided to talk with Jun to think about the best solution to take.
"I think he needs to be interned." Jun finally said.
"What?! Are you crazy?!" I yelled.
"Kazu, Satoshi is killing himself, it's like a suicide but here, it's slower. He is in danger and needs help before it would be too late." Jun put his hand on my shoulder with an apologetic look. I knew he was right but I couldn't accept it.
"Never! I will never let you lock up my Toshi with the madmen!" I shouted, pushing his hand away.
"Kazu..."
"No! He needs our help, he needs us and I won't let you do that! N.E.V.E.R!"
"You love him, you can't be..."
"Of course I love him but it's not because of that. Satoshi has always been here for me when I make my night terrors. He helped me, he was even destroying his couple with Sho because of me. I owe him so much and I'll do everything I can to help him. He is my life, Jun. I know he doesn't see me like I see him but I can't live without him. I need him, I need his presence. If he died, I wouldn't handle it." I cried, burying my face in my knees.
"Alright. But you must find a solution before he can make a mistake." Jun hugged me and kissed my wet nose.
"Thanks, J. I owe you so much too." I whispered.
"Baka. You're my brother, it's normal between brothers to help the other."
"I love you, J."
"I love you too, Kazu." Jun pecked my lips and hugged me again.
I felt lighter when I left Jun. Now, I had to find a way to help Ohchan. But when I opened my door's apartment, I froze. There was something weird. The lights were still off and the atmosphere, heavy. I took my shoes off and walked toward the living room.
"Satoshi?" I called without expecting an answer. "Sato?" I called again. "Satoshi, it's not funny!" I exclaimed. "Sa... SATOSHI!!!!" I screamed when I saw my friend on the ground, a knife in his hand and lots of blood on his wrists. I called an ambulance and lifted him in my arms.
"Satoshi, baby, please, hold on!!!" I cried, rocking him in my arms. Suddenly, I realized he was still bleeding and without thinking anymore, grabbed my scarf and tied it up above the cut to stop the blood. The ambulance arrived five minutes later and took him to an hospital. I followed them with my car while calling Jun and Masaki.
"J?!"
"Kazu?"
"J, Satoshi...he..." I burst into tears before finishing my sentence.
"Kazu, calm down, take a deep breath and tell me what happened." Jun said softly.
"Toshi...he...he tried to kill himself with a knife." I cried in the phone.
"Okay, we'll be there in ten minutes." Jun said after a long silence.
I stayed in the corridor, waiting for some news. It was like one year ago with Sho but to be honest, I was more worried for Sato. Jun arrived with Masaki and hugged me tightly, whispering apologies when it wasn't even his fault.
After some hours, a doctor came back.
"Ohno-san lost lots of blood and we almost lost him but you saved him." The doctor smiled at me.
"Really?"
"Yes, it was a good idea, the scarf, it saved his life, we would have lost him if you hadn't done that. You can see him but he is still asleep. Bedroom 3104."
"Thank you, sensei." I smiled widely and almost ran into Ohno's bedroom.
Ohno was still asleep, his face very pale. They gave him some sedatives to make him sleep and recover. When my eyes fell on the bandages on his wrists, tears filled my eyes. I stroked his cheek and kissed his lips. Ohno stayed asleep for one week and when he opened his eyes, I didn't even know how to react. Did he deserve a slap? Did he deserve a hug or did he deserve I yelled at him?
Satoshi moaned painfully, blinking.
"Kazu?"
"You have to know that I won't slap your face because you're too weak but if I could, I would do it!" I said coldly.
"I'm sorry." Ohno lowered his head, ashamed.
"You know, I always thought I was only a burden for you and Jun. I thought my night terrors were destroying me and the most important persons of my life. I was suffering and I'll always suffer but when I believed I had to die, you told me one thing. You told me I was important for Jun and you. You told me that there was someone on this earth who loved me and needed me. You made me understand I was selfish."
"Kazu..."
"No. Listen to me. I know how painful it is seeing Sho like that but don't forget there are some persons who love you and need you. You can hate me, you can hit me, you can do whatever you want but please, don't harm yourself anymore." I cut him off.
"It hurts so much." Ohno sobbed.
"I know babe, but you must be strong. Would you like to see Sho destroying himself if you were him?"
"No, I would like him to be happy."
"Then, try to live, try to be happy." I sighed and, kissing his forehead, walked toward the door.
"Kazu, where are you going?" Ohno protested.
"I need some air, I need to be alone. Jun will come."
"You'll come back, ne?" Ohno asked in a panic voice.
"I don't know, Satoshi." I didn't look at him, my hand still on the door handle.
"Kazu, please!"
"I'm sorry." I whispered and left without waiting for an answer.
My heart broke when I heard his voice calling my name with despair through the door. I'm sorry, Satoshi but seeing you trying to kill yourself destroyed me. I can't look at you in the eyes when I know now your life has no meaning without Sho. I can't bear I have none importance for you, it's too painful. I came back home and took some pills to sleep. For a while, I stared at my drawer and, sighing, took my handcuffs. If I tied me up maybe I wouldn't harm myself. I fell asleep, dreamless.
****
I opened my eyes, moaning in pain. Why my wrists were so painful? I lowered my eyes and sighed, seeing lots of blood on my wrists and my hands. What happened again? Grabbing the keys, I took my handcuffs off. There were deep cuts on my skin. Maybe I had tried to free myself during the night. Hissing in pain, I cleaned my cuts and put some bandages. There were 20 missed calls from Jun. He probably was worried because I was alone or maybe something happened with Toshi.
"Moshi mosh?"
"J, you called me?"
"Kazu!!! I was worried sick, how are you?!'
"Before you killed my eardrums, well. I only have some cuts on my wrists." I smirked.
"What?!"
"I put my handcuffs but it seems I tried to free myself." I chuckled.
"Kazu, why didn't you come at my apartment?" Jun sighed through the line.
"Because there is Masaki, I don't want to disturb you."
"Baka. Ohchan told me..."
"I don't want to talk about it, J."
"But..."
"I need to be alone." I cut him off and Jun sighed again, giving up.
"You're always so stubborn Kazu but if you need me, I'll be here for you, baby. I love you."
"I know. I love you too, J." I cut the line before bursting into tears. This was too much, my heart and my mind were on the line. I need something to forget.
Taking a shower, I put a white shirt and white jeans before leaving. I walked to my favorite club, hopping to find a guy, fuck and forget my pain. I was so pathetic!
I ordered a Gin vodka and sat on a seat, looking around me. It didn't take too long before a guy approached and sat down beside me.
"Alone?"
"Depends on what you want." I smiled evilly.
"If I told you I wanted to do what YOU want." The beautiful guy grinned.
"And if I told you you were hot and I wanted you to fuck me roughly, what would you say?" I smirked, alcohol winning my blood.
"I would say it would be a pleasure, cutie." The man smiled widely.
"Ninomiya Kazunari." I held out my hand and the guy took it.
"Ikuta Toma."
"We could try to know each other, at least."
Toma nodded and his hand traveled on my thigh, stroking my skin softly and sending lots of shivers in my body. His hand was dangerously approaching my semi hard flesh but vanished and came to slip under my shirt. Toma's mouth kissed my neck, my jaw and flew on my lips. I parted my lips, letting him enter my mouth and we shared a hot and rough kiss before I pushed him away and climbed on his lap, his lips attacking my neck. I moaned in pleasure. Yes, that was it. I needed it to forget Satoshi for some hours.
We almost ran to my apartment and Toma pushed me against the wall. This night, he fucked me hard against the wall, on the kitchen's table and on the ground. It was rough, violent, he bit my skin, I scratched his back with screams of pleasure before falling asleep, exhausted.
"KAZUNARI!!"
"Noooo!" I screamed but a hand woke me up.
"Hey, Nino, are you all right?" I saw Toma looking at me with worried eyes.
"Gomen, just a nightmare." I mumbled, leaving the bed, still naked to look for some food in my fridge.
"It was pretty scaring. It seemed so real." Toma said but I shrugged. He pushed me against the fridge, his hand stroking my soft cock.
"Toma..." I moaned, closing my eyes.
"I want you." Toma simply said and in one movement, slipped his hard shaft inside of me. I hissed in pain but he didn't wait for me to adjust and started to thrust roughly, fucking me against the fridge. My hand grabbed his nape while he was thrusting hardly, touching my prostate. I mewed, moaned, gasped and screamed in pleasure before we came together. Toma kissed my skin and released me.
I didn't ask any question when he left, fifteen minutes later. Grabbing a cigarette, I took a deep breath, trying to put my feelings in order. It was a hot night and gosh, Toma was very amazing in bed but there was something wrong. I felt pleasure, of course but only physical pleasure. My heart didn't beat roughly, my hands and legs weren't shaking and I understood. Toma wasn't Satoshi. There only was my teddy in my mind when Toma fucked me. This little chubby bastard was even preventing me to have the best orgasm of life because he was in my mind and mostly in my heart.
"Fuck!!" I hit the wall. I was trying to forget Ohno and my teddy didn't want to leave my thoughts.
Time passed. I was seeing Toma almost every night or to be honest, he was fucking me every night. It helped me to hold on since I was avoiding Toshi. I didn't answer when he called, and, believe me, he called lots of time. I never opened my door when he came to my apartment and implored me to open. I was trying to forget him, to erase this fucking love in my heart. Toma helped me to forget. Sex with him was orgasmic and he was very hot. We did it in every position we could, in every place (even publics). We weren't a couple, both of us knew it. But I needed someone to forget and Toma needed some fun.
But one day, while Toma was fucking me against the wall next to my door's apartment, my hands in his hair, moans leaving my throat. I saw him. Satoshi... Pain crossed his eyes and I pushed Toma away.
"Satoshi..."
"Hello, Kazu, it's been a while." Ohno bowed, his eyes full of tears.
Why?
Satoshi
When Kazu left, my world almost collapsed. Even if he didn't tell it, I knew I had disappointed him and it was the worst. I could see the tears in his eyes even if they never fell. I could hear the pain in his voice and the sadness shining in his look. I had hurt him. But when he told me he needed to be alone and didn't answer when I called his name with despair, I understood what it meant. He didn't want to see me anymore. He rejected me and I didn't know why.
Kazu... My precious Kazunari... Don't leave me. Don't let me alone like Sho. I can't survive without you, your smile, your jokes and your bratty attitude. You are my best friend, my brother, my soul. I need you since this day when you found me and saved me. You never judged me and always listened to me. I owe you so much my Kazu. I owe you my life. If I am here today, it's because of you even if you think you haven't done anything. You were there.
You avoided me for ten months, avoiding our usual places, Jun's apartment, ignoring my calls... I was suffering so much. I was so lonely. I couldn't see Sho and you were rejecting me. There were Jun and Masaki but it wasn't the same. I missed you, I missed our parties, our activities, our nights together... I missed US so badly. How could you ask me to be happy if you pushed me away from your life. How could I move on if you weren't in my life to help me?
After ten months, I decided to try again and came to your apartment. But my heart stopped when I saw this guy fucking you on the door. When our eyes met, your face became white and you pushed him away.
"See you tomorrow, babe." The guy kissed you and anger invaded my whole body. Who was he to call you 'babe'? How did he dare kissing you like that?!
"Come on in." Nino whispered and entered his apartment.
"Sorry for disturbing you." I mumbled, not sorry at all. You had changed. You had lost lots of weight and there were shadows under your eyes but despite your tiredness, you were still as beautiful as before.
"It's okay. A beer?" Nino asked and I nodded.
We sat down on the sofa and stayed silent for a while, drinking. It was weird. I felt like a stranger in this apartment after ten months.
"So, how are you?" Nino asked suddenly.
"Fine... I guess. And you?"
"Perfect." Nino smiled but I knew him better than that.
"Liar." I replied. He chuckled. What was funny?
"You have lost lots of weight, you don't eat enough."
"Don't give advice when you can't follow it yourself." Nino laughed nervously when I mumbled this truth.
"Yeah.Was he your boyfriend?"
"Toma? Yes." Nino lied, looking away.
"You don't look convince." I frowned.
"It's...complicated."
"Why are you avoiding me for ten months, then?" Maybe this question would be easier.
"I needed some time alone."
"Kazu. I... I miss you..."
"Stop that, Satoshi. Don't say anything." Nino stroked his temples, sighing.
"But it's true." I put my hand on his cheek but he pushed me away and stood up. "Kazu, talk to me!" I grabbed his arm and he looked at me. I blinked, seeing the tears on his cheeks. "Kazu..."
"Leave, Satoshi." Nino pushed my hand away again.
"Kazu, I need you, please!" I implored, tears rolling down my face too.
"I can't, it's too painful." Nino whispered.
"Kazu, please, I'll do everything you want!"
Nino stopped and looked at me. Suddenly, he pushed me against the wall and kissed me. It was rough, it was painful and I pushed him away.
"Leave, Ohno." Nino snapped but before he could make a movement, I grabbed his nape and caught his lips.
"Satoshi..." Nino tried to push me away but I gripped his shirt.
"Please, Kazu..." I implored.
He looked at me for a while and kissed me back roughly. I let him dominate, enjoying his moans and his strokes. I didn't want that but if it was the only way to keep him by my side, then, I'll do it. I couldn't bear my life without Sho and him.
Kazu almost ripped my shirt, his mouth traveling on my neck, my chest and my nipples. It felt so good, feeling his beautiful lips on my body! I started to take off his belt and unzip his jeans with shaking hands. Desire was invading my body and when Nino swallowed my painfully hard shaft, I just screamed in pleasure, grabbing his hair not to fall on the ground. His mouth was wonderful, licking and sucking my manhood and my balls while I was pushing on his head to make me fuck his mouth roughly. I was in another world. The world of the sin and the paradise.
"Stop, Kazu, I'm coming!" I gasped. Nino smirked and, taking off his jeans, he pushed me against the wall, making me gasp when I felt my painfully shaft against the cold wall. Nino lifted me a little and without any preparations, pushed his cock inside of me. I gasped in pain and he moaned in pleasure. Feeling him inside of me was so amazing, so perfect, so natural. He started to thrust roughly, making me moan. My hands traveled on the wall, trying to find something to grab but there was nothing and I gripped Kazu's nape with despair while he was moving violently inside of me. I liked it. I liked being fuck violently by him. Sho was always soft and sweet and I liked it too but feeling Nino fucking me with this violence was wonderful. Maybe I really was a DoM after all.
"Kazu..." I moaned when Nino hit my secret spot again and again.
"Fuck, you're so tight!" Nino bit my neck, pushing harder and faster. I was on the edge and I think he felt it because Nino grabbed my hard flesh and started to pump it.
It didn't take long before I screamed and released in his hand. He kept thrusting but I pushed him away and kneeled in front of him. Taking his hard cock, I kissed the tip and swallowed it.
"Satoshi..." Nino whined loudly, gripping my hair and pushing roughly on my head. I gasped but calmed down to let him fuck my mouth how he wanted. After some thrusts, Kazu released and I swallowed this part of him with delight. Nino grabbed my nape and kissed me tenderly, sticking our naked bodies together. He lifted me in his arms and I wrapped my legs around his so thin waist. Kazu laid me down on his bed and after another kiss, we fell asleep. At this moment, I just felt complete despite the tears on my cheeks.
To be continued...
A/N: Finally, VACATIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS XDDDDD I’m so happy to finally take some rest even if I have my exams at the end of these vacations xD As I’ll be able to use my computer (thanks to my mother xD) I’ll try to post two chapters per week. So, see you soon if you don’t hate me to much with this chapter and keep reading ;)
Author:
matsuaurore Banner:
lilisan31 <3Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
Chapter 8:
I can't live without my life, I can't live without my soul...
Kazunari
When we learned Sho was in coma, I didn't expect Satoshi's reaction would be so violent. It was as if he was someone else, as if he was becoming crazy. I read the pain and the despair on his chubby face and made a promise to myself. I promised I would never leave him alone, even if he didn't love me or hate me after what happened this night. I hoped time would heal his pain. At the beginning, Satoshi stayed with Sho. He refused to let him alone and maybe he was right. But as time passed, Toshi changed into a corpse. He lost lots of weight and his chubby cheeks. There were big shadows under his eyes and he seemed exhausted. He was a shadow, a dark reflect of himself. It killed me seeing him in this state but what could I do? Satoshi was rejecting any help, any advice and only stayed next to Sho every day, holding his hand. It had to stop. I couldn't bear seeing my Teddy in this state with these fake hopes. We had to be honest, Sho's accident was one year ago and now, there were a few chances he would wake up. I had to help him, to make something before he could make a mistake. But I didn't do anything. Sho's father did it instead of me. He was mean but I thought he was right. Satoshi was destroying himself and Sho's family at the same time. When Shouta forbade Sato to come back again, I saw the distress in my best friend's eyes. He fainted and we decided to bring him in my apartment. Toshi was dying slowly, he didn't eat, stayed in his bedroom, looking at the sky and crying the whole day. When I ordered him to climb on the stale, my eyes widened and a scream left my mouth. 36 kg. Oh my God. He only weighed 36 kg and with his clothes!!! It was urgent, I had to do something!!! I decided to talk with Jun to think about the best solution to take.
"I think he needs to be interned." Jun finally said.
"What?! Are you crazy?!" I yelled.
"Kazu, Satoshi is killing himself, it's like a suicide but here, it's slower. He is in danger and needs help before it would be too late." Jun put his hand on my shoulder with an apologetic look. I knew he was right but I couldn't accept it.
"Never! I will never let you lock up my Toshi with the madmen!" I shouted, pushing his hand away.
"Kazu..."
"No! He needs our help, he needs us and I won't let you do that! N.E.V.E.R!"
"You love him, you can't be..."
"Of course I love him but it's not because of that. Satoshi has always been here for me when I make my night terrors. He helped me, he was even destroying his couple with Sho because of me. I owe him so much and I'll do everything I can to help him. He is my life, Jun. I know he doesn't see me like I see him but I can't live without him. I need him, I need his presence. If he died, I wouldn't handle it." I cried, burying my face in my knees.
"Alright. But you must find a solution before he can make a mistake." Jun hugged me and kissed my wet nose.
"Thanks, J. I owe you so much too." I whispered.
"Baka. You're my brother, it's normal between brothers to help the other."
"I love you, J."
"I love you too, Kazu." Jun pecked my lips and hugged me again.
I felt lighter when I left Jun. Now, I had to find a way to help Ohchan. But when I opened my door's apartment, I froze. There was something weird. The lights were still off and the atmosphere, heavy. I took my shoes off and walked toward the living room.
"Satoshi?" I called without expecting an answer. "Sato?" I called again. "Satoshi, it's not funny!" I exclaimed. "Sa... SATOSHI!!!!" I screamed when I saw my friend on the ground, a knife in his hand and lots of blood on his wrists. I called an ambulance and lifted him in my arms.
"Satoshi, baby, please, hold on!!!" I cried, rocking him in my arms. Suddenly, I realized he was still bleeding and without thinking anymore, grabbed my scarf and tied it up above the cut to stop the blood. The ambulance arrived five minutes later and took him to an hospital. I followed them with my car while calling Jun and Masaki.
"J?!"
"Kazu?"
"J, Satoshi...he..." I burst into tears before finishing my sentence.
"Kazu, calm down, take a deep breath and tell me what happened." Jun said softly.
"Toshi...he...he tried to kill himself with a knife." I cried in the phone.
"Okay, we'll be there in ten minutes." Jun said after a long silence.
I stayed in the corridor, waiting for some news. It was like one year ago with Sho but to be honest, I was more worried for Sato. Jun arrived with Masaki and hugged me tightly, whispering apologies when it wasn't even his fault.
After some hours, a doctor came back.
"Ohno-san lost lots of blood and we almost lost him but you saved him." The doctor smiled at me.
"Really?"
"Yes, it was a good idea, the scarf, it saved his life, we would have lost him if you hadn't done that. You can see him but he is still asleep. Bedroom 3104."
"Thank you, sensei." I smiled widely and almost ran into Ohno's bedroom.
Ohno was still asleep, his face very pale. They gave him some sedatives to make him sleep and recover. When my eyes fell on the bandages on his wrists, tears filled my eyes. I stroked his cheek and kissed his lips. Ohno stayed asleep for one week and when he opened his eyes, I didn't even know how to react. Did he deserve a slap? Did he deserve a hug or did he deserve I yelled at him?
Satoshi moaned painfully, blinking.
"Kazu?"
"You have to know that I won't slap your face because you're too weak but if I could, I would do it!" I said coldly.
"I'm sorry." Ohno lowered his head, ashamed.
"You know, I always thought I was only a burden for you and Jun. I thought my night terrors were destroying me and the most important persons of my life. I was suffering and I'll always suffer but when I believed I had to die, you told me one thing. You told me I was important for Jun and you. You told me that there was someone on this earth who loved me and needed me. You made me understand I was selfish."
"Kazu..."
"No. Listen to me. I know how painful it is seeing Sho like that but don't forget there are some persons who love you and need you. You can hate me, you can hit me, you can do whatever you want but please, don't harm yourself anymore." I cut him off.
"It hurts so much." Ohno sobbed.
"I know babe, but you must be strong. Would you like to see Sho destroying himself if you were him?"
"No, I would like him to be happy."
"Then, try to live, try to be happy." I sighed and, kissing his forehead, walked toward the door.
"Kazu, where are you going?" Ohno protested.
"I need some air, I need to be alone. Jun will come."
"You'll come back, ne?" Ohno asked in a panic voice.
"I don't know, Satoshi." I didn't look at him, my hand still on the door handle.
"Kazu, please!"
"I'm sorry." I whispered and left without waiting for an answer.
My heart broke when I heard his voice calling my name with despair through the door. I'm sorry, Satoshi but seeing you trying to kill yourself destroyed me. I can't look at you in the eyes when I know now your life has no meaning without Sho. I can't bear I have none importance for you, it's too painful. I came back home and took some pills to sleep. For a while, I stared at my drawer and, sighing, took my handcuffs. If I tied me up maybe I wouldn't harm myself. I fell asleep, dreamless.
****
I opened my eyes, moaning in pain. Why my wrists were so painful? I lowered my eyes and sighed, seeing lots of blood on my wrists and my hands. What happened again? Grabbing the keys, I took my handcuffs off. There were deep cuts on my skin. Maybe I had tried to free myself during the night. Hissing in pain, I cleaned my cuts and put some bandages. There were 20 missed calls from Jun. He probably was worried because I was alone or maybe something happened with Toshi.
"Moshi mosh?"
"J, you called me?"
"Kazu!!! I was worried sick, how are you?!'
"Before you killed my eardrums, well. I only have some cuts on my wrists." I smirked.
"What?!"
"I put my handcuffs but it seems I tried to free myself." I chuckled.
"Kazu, why didn't you come at my apartment?" Jun sighed through the line.
"Because there is Masaki, I don't want to disturb you."
"Baka. Ohchan told me..."
"I don't want to talk about it, J."
"But..."
"I need to be alone." I cut him off and Jun sighed again, giving up.
"You're always so stubborn Kazu but if you need me, I'll be here for you, baby. I love you."
"I know. I love you too, J." I cut the line before bursting into tears. This was too much, my heart and my mind were on the line. I need something to forget.
Taking a shower, I put a white shirt and white jeans before leaving. I walked to my favorite club, hopping to find a guy, fuck and forget my pain. I was so pathetic!
I ordered a Gin vodka and sat on a seat, looking around me. It didn't take too long before a guy approached and sat down beside me.
"Alone?"
"Depends on what you want." I smiled evilly.
"If I told you I wanted to do what YOU want." The beautiful guy grinned.
"And if I told you you were hot and I wanted you to fuck me roughly, what would you say?" I smirked, alcohol winning my blood.
"I would say it would be a pleasure, cutie." The man smiled widely.
"Ninomiya Kazunari." I held out my hand and the guy took it.
"Ikuta Toma."
"We could try to know each other, at least."
Toma nodded and his hand traveled on my thigh, stroking my skin softly and sending lots of shivers in my body. His hand was dangerously approaching my semi hard flesh but vanished and came to slip under my shirt. Toma's mouth kissed my neck, my jaw and flew on my lips. I parted my lips, letting him enter my mouth and we shared a hot and rough kiss before I pushed him away and climbed on his lap, his lips attacking my neck. I moaned in pleasure. Yes, that was it. I needed it to forget Satoshi for some hours.
We almost ran to my apartment and Toma pushed me against the wall. This night, he fucked me hard against the wall, on the kitchen's table and on the ground. It was rough, violent, he bit my skin, I scratched his back with screams of pleasure before falling asleep, exhausted.
"KAZUNARI!!"
"Noooo!" I screamed but a hand woke me up.
"Hey, Nino, are you all right?" I saw Toma looking at me with worried eyes.
"Gomen, just a nightmare." I mumbled, leaving the bed, still naked to look for some food in my fridge.
"It was pretty scaring. It seemed so real." Toma said but I shrugged. He pushed me against the fridge, his hand stroking my soft cock.
"Toma..." I moaned, closing my eyes.
"I want you." Toma simply said and in one movement, slipped his hard shaft inside of me. I hissed in pain but he didn't wait for me to adjust and started to thrust roughly, fucking me against the fridge. My hand grabbed his nape while he was thrusting hardly, touching my prostate. I mewed, moaned, gasped and screamed in pleasure before we came together. Toma kissed my skin and released me.
I didn't ask any question when he left, fifteen minutes later. Grabbing a cigarette, I took a deep breath, trying to put my feelings in order. It was a hot night and gosh, Toma was very amazing in bed but there was something wrong. I felt pleasure, of course but only physical pleasure. My heart didn't beat roughly, my hands and legs weren't shaking and I understood. Toma wasn't Satoshi. There only was my teddy in my mind when Toma fucked me. This little chubby bastard was even preventing me to have the best orgasm of life because he was in my mind and mostly in my heart.
"Fuck!!" I hit the wall. I was trying to forget Ohno and my teddy didn't want to leave my thoughts.
Time passed. I was seeing Toma almost every night or to be honest, he was fucking me every night. It helped me to hold on since I was avoiding Toshi. I didn't answer when he called, and, believe me, he called lots of time. I never opened my door when he came to my apartment and implored me to open. I was trying to forget him, to erase this fucking love in my heart. Toma helped me to forget. Sex with him was orgasmic and he was very hot. We did it in every position we could, in every place (even publics). We weren't a couple, both of us knew it. But I needed someone to forget and Toma needed some fun.
But one day, while Toma was fucking me against the wall next to my door's apartment, my hands in his hair, moans leaving my throat. I saw him. Satoshi... Pain crossed his eyes and I pushed Toma away.
"Satoshi..."
"Hello, Kazu, it's been a while." Ohno bowed, his eyes full of tears.
Why?
Satoshi
When Kazu left, my world almost collapsed. Even if he didn't tell it, I knew I had disappointed him and it was the worst. I could see the tears in his eyes even if they never fell. I could hear the pain in his voice and the sadness shining in his look. I had hurt him. But when he told me he needed to be alone and didn't answer when I called his name with despair, I understood what it meant. He didn't want to see me anymore. He rejected me and I didn't know why.
Kazu... My precious Kazunari... Don't leave me. Don't let me alone like Sho. I can't survive without you, your smile, your jokes and your bratty attitude. You are my best friend, my brother, my soul. I need you since this day when you found me and saved me. You never judged me and always listened to me. I owe you so much my Kazu. I owe you my life. If I am here today, it's because of you even if you think you haven't done anything. You were there.
You avoided me for ten months, avoiding our usual places, Jun's apartment, ignoring my calls... I was suffering so much. I was so lonely. I couldn't see Sho and you were rejecting me. There were Jun and Masaki but it wasn't the same. I missed you, I missed our parties, our activities, our nights together... I missed US so badly. How could you ask me to be happy if you pushed me away from your life. How could I move on if you weren't in my life to help me?
After ten months, I decided to try again and came to your apartment. But my heart stopped when I saw this guy fucking you on the door. When our eyes met, your face became white and you pushed him away.
"See you tomorrow, babe." The guy kissed you and anger invaded my whole body. Who was he to call you 'babe'? How did he dare kissing you like that?!
"Come on in." Nino whispered and entered his apartment.
"Sorry for disturbing you." I mumbled, not sorry at all. You had changed. You had lost lots of weight and there were shadows under your eyes but despite your tiredness, you were still as beautiful as before.
"It's okay. A beer?" Nino asked and I nodded.
We sat down on the sofa and stayed silent for a while, drinking. It was weird. I felt like a stranger in this apartment after ten months.
"So, how are you?" Nino asked suddenly.
"Fine... I guess. And you?"
"Perfect." Nino smiled but I knew him better than that.
"Liar." I replied. He chuckled. What was funny?
"You have lost lots of weight, you don't eat enough."
"Don't give advice when you can't follow it yourself." Nino laughed nervously when I mumbled this truth.
"Yeah.Was he your boyfriend?"
"Toma? Yes." Nino lied, looking away.
"You don't look convince." I frowned.
"It's...complicated."
"Why are you avoiding me for ten months, then?" Maybe this question would be easier.
"I needed some time alone."
"Kazu. I... I miss you..."
"Stop that, Satoshi. Don't say anything." Nino stroked his temples, sighing.
"But it's true." I put my hand on his cheek but he pushed me away and stood up. "Kazu, talk to me!" I grabbed his arm and he looked at me. I blinked, seeing the tears on his cheeks. "Kazu..."
"Leave, Satoshi." Nino pushed my hand away again.
"Kazu, I need you, please!" I implored, tears rolling down my face too.
"I can't, it's too painful." Nino whispered.
"Kazu, please, I'll do everything you want!"
Nino stopped and looked at me. Suddenly, he pushed me against the wall and kissed me. It was rough, it was painful and I pushed him away.
"Leave, Ohno." Nino snapped but before he could make a movement, I grabbed his nape and caught his lips.
"Satoshi..." Nino tried to push me away but I gripped his shirt.
"Please, Kazu..." I implored.
He looked at me for a while and kissed me back roughly. I let him dominate, enjoying his moans and his strokes. I didn't want that but if it was the only way to keep him by my side, then, I'll do it. I couldn't bear my life without Sho and him.
Kazu almost ripped my shirt, his mouth traveling on my neck, my chest and my nipples. It felt so good, feeling his beautiful lips on my body! I started to take off his belt and unzip his jeans with shaking hands. Desire was invading my body and when Nino swallowed my painfully hard shaft, I just screamed in pleasure, grabbing his hair not to fall on the ground. His mouth was wonderful, licking and sucking my manhood and my balls while I was pushing on his head to make me fuck his mouth roughly. I was in another world. The world of the sin and the paradise.
"Stop, Kazu, I'm coming!" I gasped. Nino smirked and, taking off his jeans, he pushed me against the wall, making me gasp when I felt my painfully shaft against the cold wall. Nino lifted me a little and without any preparations, pushed his cock inside of me. I gasped in pain and he moaned in pleasure. Feeling him inside of me was so amazing, so perfect, so natural. He started to thrust roughly, making me moan. My hands traveled on the wall, trying to find something to grab but there was nothing and I gripped Kazu's nape with despair while he was moving violently inside of me. I liked it. I liked being fuck violently by him. Sho was always soft and sweet and I liked it too but feeling Nino fucking me with this violence was wonderful. Maybe I really was a DoM after all.
"Kazu..." I moaned when Nino hit my secret spot again and again.
"Fuck, you're so tight!" Nino bit my neck, pushing harder and faster. I was on the edge and I think he felt it because Nino grabbed my hard flesh and started to pump it.
It didn't take long before I screamed and released in his hand. He kept thrusting but I pushed him away and kneeled in front of him. Taking his hard cock, I kissed the tip and swallowed it.
"Satoshi..." Nino whined loudly, gripping my hair and pushing roughly on my head. I gasped but calmed down to let him fuck my mouth how he wanted. After some thrusts, Kazu released and I swallowed this part of him with delight. Nino grabbed my nape and kissed me tenderly, sticking our naked bodies together. He lifted me in his arms and I wrapped my legs around his so thin waist. Kazu laid me down on his bed and after another kiss, we fell asleep. At this moment, I just felt complete despite the tears on my cheeks.
To be continued...
A/N: Finally, VACATIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS XDDDDD I’m so happy to finally take some rest even if I have my exams at the end of these vacations xD As I’ll be able to use my computer (thanks to my mother xD) I’ll try to post two chapters per week. So, see you soon if you don’t hate me to much with this chapter and keep reading ;)