matsuaurore (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
matsuaurore) wrote2013-11-26 11:07 pm
matsuaurore) wrote2013-11-26 11:07 pm
Entry tags:
All these things we don't tell each other (chapter 2)
Title: All these things we don't tell each other
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
matsuaurore
Beta: Mymokohno <3
Banner:lilisan31 <3
Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
A/N: In this story, there will be lots of different pov but it will be mostly, Ohchan and Kazu's pov xD
For my lovely Ohchan's birthday. Love you my sleepy Teddy <3
A big kiss for my dearlilisan31 for her beautiful picture, thank you very much, I love it <3
Chapter 2:
"Life is hard, dakedo happy..."
Sho
All my life, I thought I was living only for my family's wishes. All my life I thought nobody would ever love me. But one day, everything changed. One day, the person I loved more than anything told me she loved me back. I would say it was the most beautiful day of my life but I couldn't because I couldn't even put a word on what I was feeling. This feeling was too intense, too amazing, too beautiful, too perfect, too... Too unbelievable.
I kissed my boyfriend deeply, stroking our groins together.
"Sho..." Satoshi moaned.
"I want you to be mine." I gasped in his ear and Ohno almost bit my lips when my hand grabbed his painfully hard cock.
"I'm already yours." Satoshi whined, moving his hips up to make me stroke him harder.
"Gosh..." I gasped, ripping his clothes and attacking his neck and his chest while my hand was working on his shaft. He was so beautiful like that. His closed eyes, his red chubby cheeks, his lips slightly parted to let his moans escape. I wanted him so bad! I wanted to be inside of him, to make him mine! I bit his skin roughly, my lust blurring my view. Satoshi was moaning endlessly under me, begging me for more and I smiled widely. Gosh, it was wonderful how this cute short man under me could drive me as crazy as I was now.
"Baby." I whined, my fingers preparing his tight warm hole. I wanted to take him now but I couldn't hurt him, I wanted to create our most beautiful and amazing memory tonight. I wanted him to remember how I made love to him, how I kissed him, how I made him scream my name in pleasure. I wanted it to be proof of my love and to show he was mine and only mine!!!!
"Sho, fuck me, now!" Satoshi begged, trying to unzip my jeans. I chuckled and helped him. He looked at my naked body and stroked my cheek, smiling. "You're so beautiful..."
"Less than you." I whispered and, grabbing one of his thighs, I pushed inside of him in a loud moan. "You're mine, now, only mine." I whined, starting to thrust.
"I'm yours." Satoshi arched his back, gasping when I touched his secret spot. My boyfriend wrapped his legs around my waist and lifted his hips up to meet my thrusts. It was so slow and at the same time so fast. It was so rough but so sweet and full of love. I could see his feelings in his eyes when he looked at me and butterflies invaded my stomach, making me cry.
"Sho?" Satoshi put his hand on my cheek and I kissed him passionately.
"I'm so happy, Satoshi." I whispered in his ear, my tears falling on his chubby cheeks.
"Me too, Sho." Ohno hugged me, burying his face in my neck while I was thrusting harder and faster inside of him. I could feel he was on the edge too and I took his cock, pumping it at the same rhythm as our movements. Sweat was rolling down our bodies, our skins were slapping together, our moans resounding in the whole bedroom like a melody. Oh Gosh, sometimes, love was wonderful!
"Sho!"
"Come for me, baby." I whispered.
"Come inside of me!" Ohno screamed and arched his back, releasing between our stomachs with the most erotic moan I had ever heard. He tightened around me and I came inside of him, screaming his name.
I collapsed next to him and we fell asleep, hugging each other. Yes, life was perfect!
****
Satoshi
I opened my eyes slowly and smiled when I saw Sho under me, my cheek on his naked chest, his arms hugging me tightly as if he was afraid I would leave him. Yesterday night was the most amazing of my whole life. I wasn't a virgin but I never ever felt what Sho gave me this previous night. We made love, he made love to me in the most beautiful way, like no one else did before. I was so happy that tears filled my eyes. My heart was beating furiously like a girl who was discovering her first love. When Sho cried this night, I only thought my heart would stop. It was unbelievable, someone was feeling so happy to make love to me that it made him cry?! Someone could love me?
I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't see Sho was awake, looking at me with worried eyes.
"Did I hurt you?"
"No." I whispered, surprised.
"Then, why are you crying?" Sho asked. I put my hand on my cheek and blinked, feeling tears on my face. I didn't even know I was crying and waved my head with a smile.
"I'm happy, that's all." I looked at him with loving eyes.
"Sure?"
"It was amazing, Sho, don't ever doubt that." I whispered and my boyfriend caught my lips with despair, making me lay down on top of him. His hard member brushed my thigh and when he pushed inside of me, I screamed in pleasure.
We stayed in Sho's bed the whole day, kissing each other’s and talking about our lives. Sho made love to me seven times and every time, it was wonderful. I couldn't get tired of him because I felt loved and safe in his arms.
We were sleeping when my phone buzzed, making me groan.
"Moshi mosh?" I asked sleepily, Sho still sleeping under me.
"Toshi..."
"Kazu? What happened, you have a weird voice." I frowned.
"I... No, forget it, I'm only tired and I wanted to hear your voice." My best friend said and cut the line before I could answer.
I frowned. It wasn't like Nino to call me at 11 p.m. Suddenly, I froze. Fuck! It was already 11 p.m and Kazu was alone!! I was so stupid to forget that! Panicking, I stoop up silently, grabbed my clothes, wrote a note to Sho and left his apartment, running.
When Kazu opened his door, I hugged him tightly. His eyes were red and swollen and his skin very pale.
"Kazu, I'm sorry, I forgot..."
"You didn't have to come, Satoshi." Nino whispered but gripped my shirt with despair, bursting into tears in my neck.
"I'm so sorry my Kazu. I'm here, now, calm down." I said, stroking his hair.
He let me come in and we laid down on his bed, cuddling each other. I kissed his wet cheek, still stroking his hair.
"I'm sorry, Toshi." Nino whispered against my skin.
"Don't be, Kazu, I'll always be here for you." I smiled and we fell asleep five minutes later, exhausted.
Kazu
When Sho kissed Ohchan this afternoon, my heart almost broke. Satoshi looked so happy and his smile was so beautiful! He had never smiled like that to me. And Sho was so kind with him. Ohchan looked like a princess in his boyfriend's arms... Why? Why couldn't I be the man for Toshi? Why couldn't it be me who was kissing and hugging him like that? Life was so unfair! Sho was stealing Sato away from me and now, I started to feel hatred toward one of my best friends. I really liked Sho-chan, he was a good friend but actually, he was stealing the most important person of my life.
Satoshi! Please, look at me! Don't leave me alone! I screamed in my mind. Please, Kami-sama, make him look at me and only me!!
When Sho kissed Sato once more time and made him moan, I stood up quickly and left the apartment without a word. I knew J would kill me for that but I couldn't bear more. I ran to my apartment and locked me up in my bedroom with a beer and ignored my phone that was buzzing. I started to cry loudly, drinking my can and wishing to die.
"Fuck, you're pathetic Ninomiya Kazunari." I wiped my tears roughly.
"Kazu..." Jun's voice made me jump.
"Leave me alone, J." I mumbled.
"Open." Jun ignored me and tried to open the door. Sighing, I opened it and my brother hugged me tightly in his arms.
"What are you doing here?" I asked against his shoulder.
"I was worried sick. You left suddenly without a word." Jun threw me a reproachful look.
"I don't need your pity, J." I pushed him away and walked to the kitchen to take another beer.
"You know I don't feel any pity toward you." Jun said behind me.
"And what? You wanted to play the kind brother? You wanted to see the pathetic Ninomiya Kazunari?!" I almost screamed, laying my back against the wall.
"Kaz', I'm worried about you, you are acting strangely since Sato and Sho are together."
"Strangely? Of course I'm acting strangely, J! The man I love more than anything is dating one of my friends! How couldn't I be strange?!" I yelled before drinking my can, hoping the alcohol would make me forget.
"Kazu, stop that." Jun said, taking my beer off of my hand and hugging me. "I know it's hard but you were the one who said you wanted Satoshi to be happy."
"I know. But it's horrible to see them, to see Sho kissing him when I wish it would be me instead of him. I need time." I sighed, pushing Jun away to join my sofa. "It's perfect because I have to finish my last song." I added in a sarcastic tone.
"Kazu, I can't stay tonight, I have a meeting for the next collection." Jun said and I froze.
"Can't you skip it?" I asked, panicked.
"No, I'm sorry." Jun whispered.
"It's okay, I'm a big boy, I can sleep alone once in my life." I smiled.
"Are you sure, I can try to cancel it if you are too afraid..."
"Nah, it's okay, don't bit your head off!" I laughed. "Make these pictures and be the model number 1 of Japan again." I smiled and pushed him toward the door. "Make me proud of my little brother!" I kissed his lips and Jun nodded, not convinced but he left anyway.
"It's up to you." Jun whispered sadly.
"Don't bother. Sometimes, life is not all teddy bears and skittles but I can deal with it." I smiled and closed the door behind me.
I fell on the ground. Of course it wasn't okay! I had never slept alone since This day and it had been ten years since. I always needed someone next to me to sleep. I couldn't help it, it was because of my trauma when I was 17 years old. Before I met Satoshi, I slept every night next to Jun despite Aiba. I knew Masaki understood me even if he still felt jealous seeing his boyfriend with another guy but Aiba trusted me and he trusted Jun. When I was eighteen, I met Toshi at a party and we became the best friends in the world with J. Even if I didn't tell Ohchan about my past, I trusted him and he was the only person who could sleep next to me with J. I felt safe in his arms when my devils came back to haunt me every night. But today, I was alone for the first time since my 17 years, I had to deal alone with my trauma and I was afraid.
Breathing deeply, I took my guitar and started to play my new song, crying.
At 10 p.m, I started to feel tired and laid down on my bed. I closed my eyes but soon, I felt hands around my throat. I screamed. I opened my eyes, trying to push these hands away but I was too weak. I coughed and struggled violently. But suddenly, the person disappeared and screaming, I grabbed my phone, panicked.
"Moshi mosh?" A sleepy voice answered.
"Satoshi..." I whimpered.
"Kazu? What happened, you have a weird voice." Ohno asked worriedly.
"I... No, forget it, I'm only tired and I wanted to hear your voice." I cut the line before he could answer and switched all the lights of my apartment on. I couldn't stay in the dark because I would fall asleep again and I didn't want to sleep. I couldn't...
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and when I opened my door, Satoshi jumped in my arms and hugged me tightly against him.
"Kazu, I'm sorry, I forgot..."
"You didn't have to come, Satoshi." I whispered but gripped his shirt with despair, bursting into tears in his neck.
"I'm so sorry my Kazu. I'm here, now, calm down." Ohno said, stroking my hair.
"I can't stand it anymore!" I cried, shaking with fear.
I let him come in and we laid down on my bed, cuddling each other. He kissed my wet cheek, still stroking my hair.
"I'm sorry, Toshi." I whispered against his skin.
"Don't be, Kazu, I'll always be here for you." Ohno smiled and we fell asleep five minutes later, exhausted.
Night terrors.
It's the name my doctor put on my nightmares. For him, it's because of an old trauma. I think it's because of This day. I made my first crisis at my 17's. Jun was sleeping in another bedroom and found me screaming and trying to kill myself while I was sleeping. My night terrors didn't leave me since this day and that's why J always slept next to me, for my security. These crisis were very dangerous because I thought it was real. I could kill myself thinking I was killing my attacker. There was none treatment my doctor told me one day. It was because of a trauma and if I wanted to stop these night terrors, I had to face my past. But I couldn't. I couldn't confront what happened on this day. I wasn't strong enough. Besides, J was the only one who knew what happened and could understand me better than no one else. He never left me alone despite Aiba and their arguments because of me. Someone would say I was selfish to create these fights between them but it was false. In fact, I always felt guilty when J joined me for the night. I felt so bad for stealing Aiba's boyfriend away from him every night. But I couldn't help it. When you are able to sink a knife in your own chest or cut your throat because of a nightmare, you can't do anything. Sleeping is my worst fear. I always try to stay awake, drinking coffee, coca cola, vitamins but it doesn't help.
Once, I stayed awake for three days and Jun brought me at hospital to make me sleep in security. But they released me two days later. That's why when I met Ohchan, my life changed. All the parts of him appeased me. I could sleep next to him without feeling scared because I was hugging him. I needed him so bad in my life to survive!
Sho
I groaned, feeling the sun on my face. I opened my eyes and blinked when I didn't see Satoshi next to me. Standing up, I walked in the kitchen and took the note on the table.
My love,
I left yesterday night because Kazu needed me and I couldn't leave him alone. I'll come back tomorrow morning, don't forget to eat your breakfast.
I love you
Satoshi
I threw the paper, angry. Nino... Nino had found a way to bring Satoshi back to him again. I knew Nino was in love with my boyfriend. Satoshi was the only one who didn't seem to notice it. I was sure Nino tried to steal Ohchan away from me and I really felt angry. He was my friend, of course, but I was crazy about Satoshi and I wouldn't let him go. No. Never. Satoshi was mine and only mine. This brat had already lost.
I was deep in my thoughts when a noise of keys made me jump.
"Tadaima." A voice said shyly.
I ignored Ohno and drank my coffee.
"Sho?" Ohchan asked shyly, entering the kitchen. I stayed silent, looking away. "Sho, I'm sorry."
"Can you imagine how I felt when I woke up and saw you were gone to sleep with Nino?!" I yelled, throwing my cup in the sink that broke in a thousand pieces.
"Sho, Kazu needed me." Ohno protested softly.
"I don't care, Satoshi! You're my boyfriend, not his and I want my boyfriend to sleep with me at night!" I screamed making Ohno blank.
"But Sho, Kazu, he has night ter..."
"I don't care what Nino has, you won't sleep with him again!"
"But Sho, we didn't do anything wrong, believe me." Satoshi protested, tears filling his eyes and I almost punched myself for making him cry.
"How can I be sure?! How can I know that he didn't fuck you?!" I yelled but stopped when Satoshi slapped my cheek. We stared at each other with shocked eyes before my lover lowered his head.
"How can you say that? Don't you trust me?" Satoshi whispered, crying before leaving the apartment.
"Satoshi!!!" I screamed. It was the first time I was seeing Ohchan angry. It wasn't like him to get angry and slap someone. Maybe I had overreacted and hurt him...
To be continued...
A/N: Hey! I managed to post this chapter sooner xD this chapter is bringing lots of questions about Nino's past but he isn't the only one who has dark secrets in this story xD see you saturday ;)
Here, if you’re interested, is the definition of night terrors xD:
A night terror, sleep terror or pavor nocturnus is a parasomnia disorder, causing feelings of terror or dread, and typically occurring in the first few hours of sleep during stage 3 or 4 non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep.
During night terror bouts, patients are usually described as 'bolting upright' with their eyes wide open and a look of fear and panic on their face. They will often scream. Further, they will usually sweat, exhibit rapid respiration, and have a rapid heart rate (autonomic signs). In some cases, individuals are likely to have even more elaborate motor activity, such as a thrashing of limbs—which may include punching, swinging, or fleeing motions. There is a sense that the individual is trying to protect themselves and/or escape from a possible threat which can lead to physical injury of the individual. Although it seems like children are awake during a night terror, they will appear confused, be inconsolable and/or unresponsive to attempts to communicate with them, and may not recognize others familiar to them. Occasionally, when a person with a night terror is awoken, they will lash out at the person which can be dangerous for that individual. Most people who experience this disorder are amnesic, or partially amnesic from the incident the next day.
Author:
matsuauroreBeta: My
mokohno <3Banner:
lilisan31 <3Pairings: Yama, Ohmiya
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Au, romance, drama, angst
Disclaimer: Bad for me, only own the plot T.T
Summary: What can you do when the person you love more than your own life is only looking at your best friend? What can you do when you know this person would never see you like you see her? And if your biggest wish came true but at the same time, getting close to her also meant pushing her farther from you...
A/N: In this story, there will be lots of different pov but it will be mostly, Ohchan and Kazu's pov xD
For my lovely Ohchan's birthday. Love you my sleepy Teddy <3
A big kiss for my dear
lilisan31 for her beautiful picture, thank you very much, I love it <3Chapter 2:
"Life is hard, dakedo happy..."
Sho
All my life, I thought I was living only for my family's wishes. All my life I thought nobody would ever love me. But one day, everything changed. One day, the person I loved more than anything told me she loved me back. I would say it was the most beautiful day of my life but I couldn't because I couldn't even put a word on what I was feeling. This feeling was too intense, too amazing, too beautiful, too perfect, too... Too unbelievable.
I kissed my boyfriend deeply, stroking our groins together.
"Sho..." Satoshi moaned.
"I want you to be mine." I gasped in his ear and Ohno almost bit my lips when my hand grabbed his painfully hard cock.
"I'm already yours." Satoshi whined, moving his hips up to make me stroke him harder.
"Gosh..." I gasped, ripping his clothes and attacking his neck and his chest while my hand was working on his shaft. He was so beautiful like that. His closed eyes, his red chubby cheeks, his lips slightly parted to let his moans escape. I wanted him so bad! I wanted to be inside of him, to make him mine! I bit his skin roughly, my lust blurring my view. Satoshi was moaning endlessly under me, begging me for more and I smiled widely. Gosh, it was wonderful how this cute short man under me could drive me as crazy as I was now.
"Baby." I whined, my fingers preparing his tight warm hole. I wanted to take him now but I couldn't hurt him, I wanted to create our most beautiful and amazing memory tonight. I wanted him to remember how I made love to him, how I kissed him, how I made him scream my name in pleasure. I wanted it to be proof of my love and to show he was mine and only mine!!!!
"Sho, fuck me, now!" Satoshi begged, trying to unzip my jeans. I chuckled and helped him. He looked at my naked body and stroked my cheek, smiling. "You're so beautiful..."
"Less than you." I whispered and, grabbing one of his thighs, I pushed inside of him in a loud moan. "You're mine, now, only mine." I whined, starting to thrust.
"I'm yours." Satoshi arched his back, gasping when I touched his secret spot. My boyfriend wrapped his legs around my waist and lifted his hips up to meet my thrusts. It was so slow and at the same time so fast. It was so rough but so sweet and full of love. I could see his feelings in his eyes when he looked at me and butterflies invaded my stomach, making me cry.
"Sho?" Satoshi put his hand on my cheek and I kissed him passionately.
"I'm so happy, Satoshi." I whispered in his ear, my tears falling on his chubby cheeks.
"Me too, Sho." Ohno hugged me, burying his face in my neck while I was thrusting harder and faster inside of him. I could feel he was on the edge too and I took his cock, pumping it at the same rhythm as our movements. Sweat was rolling down our bodies, our skins were slapping together, our moans resounding in the whole bedroom like a melody. Oh Gosh, sometimes, love was wonderful!
"Sho!"
"Come for me, baby." I whispered.
"Come inside of me!" Ohno screamed and arched his back, releasing between our stomachs with the most erotic moan I had ever heard. He tightened around me and I came inside of him, screaming his name.
I collapsed next to him and we fell asleep, hugging each other. Yes, life was perfect!
****
Satoshi
I opened my eyes slowly and smiled when I saw Sho under me, my cheek on his naked chest, his arms hugging me tightly as if he was afraid I would leave him. Yesterday night was the most amazing of my whole life. I wasn't a virgin but I never ever felt what Sho gave me this previous night. We made love, he made love to me in the most beautiful way, like no one else did before. I was so happy that tears filled my eyes. My heart was beating furiously like a girl who was discovering her first love. When Sho cried this night, I only thought my heart would stop. It was unbelievable, someone was feeling so happy to make love to me that it made him cry?! Someone could love me?
I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't see Sho was awake, looking at me with worried eyes.
"Did I hurt you?"
"No." I whispered, surprised.
"Then, why are you crying?" Sho asked. I put my hand on my cheek and blinked, feeling tears on my face. I didn't even know I was crying and waved my head with a smile.
"I'm happy, that's all." I looked at him with loving eyes.
"Sure?"
"It was amazing, Sho, don't ever doubt that." I whispered and my boyfriend caught my lips with despair, making me lay down on top of him. His hard member brushed my thigh and when he pushed inside of me, I screamed in pleasure.
We stayed in Sho's bed the whole day, kissing each other’s and talking about our lives. Sho made love to me seven times and every time, it was wonderful. I couldn't get tired of him because I felt loved and safe in his arms.
We were sleeping when my phone buzzed, making me groan.
"Moshi mosh?" I asked sleepily, Sho still sleeping under me.
"Toshi..."
"Kazu? What happened, you have a weird voice." I frowned.
"I... No, forget it, I'm only tired and I wanted to hear your voice." My best friend said and cut the line before I could answer.
I frowned. It wasn't like Nino to call me at 11 p.m. Suddenly, I froze. Fuck! It was already 11 p.m and Kazu was alone!! I was so stupid to forget that! Panicking, I stoop up silently, grabbed my clothes, wrote a note to Sho and left his apartment, running.
When Kazu opened his door, I hugged him tightly. His eyes were red and swollen and his skin very pale.
"Kazu, I'm sorry, I forgot..."
"You didn't have to come, Satoshi." Nino whispered but gripped my shirt with despair, bursting into tears in my neck.
"I'm so sorry my Kazu. I'm here, now, calm down." I said, stroking his hair.
He let me come in and we laid down on his bed, cuddling each other. I kissed his wet cheek, still stroking his hair.
"I'm sorry, Toshi." Nino whispered against my skin.
"Don't be, Kazu, I'll always be here for you." I smiled and we fell asleep five minutes later, exhausted.
Kazu
When Sho kissed Ohchan this afternoon, my heart almost broke. Satoshi looked so happy and his smile was so beautiful! He had never smiled like that to me. And Sho was so kind with him. Ohchan looked like a princess in his boyfriend's arms... Why? Why couldn't I be the man for Toshi? Why couldn't it be me who was kissing and hugging him like that? Life was so unfair! Sho was stealing Sato away from me and now, I started to feel hatred toward one of my best friends. I really liked Sho-chan, he was a good friend but actually, he was stealing the most important person of my life.
Satoshi! Please, look at me! Don't leave me alone! I screamed in my mind. Please, Kami-sama, make him look at me and only me!!
When Sho kissed Sato once more time and made him moan, I stood up quickly and left the apartment without a word. I knew J would kill me for that but I couldn't bear more. I ran to my apartment and locked me up in my bedroom with a beer and ignored my phone that was buzzing. I started to cry loudly, drinking my can and wishing to die.
"Fuck, you're pathetic Ninomiya Kazunari." I wiped my tears roughly.
"Kazu..." Jun's voice made me jump.
"Leave me alone, J." I mumbled.
"Open." Jun ignored me and tried to open the door. Sighing, I opened it and my brother hugged me tightly in his arms.
"What are you doing here?" I asked against his shoulder.
"I was worried sick. You left suddenly without a word." Jun threw me a reproachful look.
"I don't need your pity, J." I pushed him away and walked to the kitchen to take another beer.
"You know I don't feel any pity toward you." Jun said behind me.
"And what? You wanted to play the kind brother? You wanted to see the pathetic Ninomiya Kazunari?!" I almost screamed, laying my back against the wall.
"Kaz', I'm worried about you, you are acting strangely since Sato and Sho are together."
"Strangely? Of course I'm acting strangely, J! The man I love more than anything is dating one of my friends! How couldn't I be strange?!" I yelled before drinking my can, hoping the alcohol would make me forget.
"Kazu, stop that." Jun said, taking my beer off of my hand and hugging me. "I know it's hard but you were the one who said you wanted Satoshi to be happy."
"I know. But it's horrible to see them, to see Sho kissing him when I wish it would be me instead of him. I need time." I sighed, pushing Jun away to join my sofa. "It's perfect because I have to finish my last song." I added in a sarcastic tone.
"Kazu, I can't stay tonight, I have a meeting for the next collection." Jun said and I froze.
"Can't you skip it?" I asked, panicked.
"No, I'm sorry." Jun whispered.
"It's okay, I'm a big boy, I can sleep alone once in my life." I smiled.
"Are you sure, I can try to cancel it if you are too afraid..."
"Nah, it's okay, don't bit your head off!" I laughed. "Make these pictures and be the model number 1 of Japan again." I smiled and pushed him toward the door. "Make me proud of my little brother!" I kissed his lips and Jun nodded, not convinced but he left anyway.
"It's up to you." Jun whispered sadly.
"Don't bother. Sometimes, life is not all teddy bears and skittles but I can deal with it." I smiled and closed the door behind me.
I fell on the ground. Of course it wasn't okay! I had never slept alone since This day and it had been ten years since. I always needed someone next to me to sleep. I couldn't help it, it was because of my trauma when I was 17 years old. Before I met Satoshi, I slept every night next to Jun despite Aiba. I knew Masaki understood me even if he still felt jealous seeing his boyfriend with another guy but Aiba trusted me and he trusted Jun. When I was eighteen, I met Toshi at a party and we became the best friends in the world with J. Even if I didn't tell Ohchan about my past, I trusted him and he was the only person who could sleep next to me with J. I felt safe in his arms when my devils came back to haunt me every night. But today, I was alone for the first time since my 17 years, I had to deal alone with my trauma and I was afraid.
Breathing deeply, I took my guitar and started to play my new song, crying.
At 10 p.m, I started to feel tired and laid down on my bed. I closed my eyes but soon, I felt hands around my throat. I screamed. I opened my eyes, trying to push these hands away but I was too weak. I coughed and struggled violently. But suddenly, the person disappeared and screaming, I grabbed my phone, panicked.
"Moshi mosh?" A sleepy voice answered.
"Satoshi..." I whimpered.
"Kazu? What happened, you have a weird voice." Ohno asked worriedly.
"I... No, forget it, I'm only tired and I wanted to hear your voice." I cut the line before he could answer and switched all the lights of my apartment on. I couldn't stay in the dark because I would fall asleep again and I didn't want to sleep. I couldn't...
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and when I opened my door, Satoshi jumped in my arms and hugged me tightly against him.
"Kazu, I'm sorry, I forgot..."
"You didn't have to come, Satoshi." I whispered but gripped his shirt with despair, bursting into tears in his neck.
"I'm so sorry my Kazu. I'm here, now, calm down." Ohno said, stroking my hair.
"I can't stand it anymore!" I cried, shaking with fear.
I let him come in and we laid down on my bed, cuddling each other. He kissed my wet cheek, still stroking my hair.
"I'm sorry, Toshi." I whispered against his skin.
"Don't be, Kazu, I'll always be here for you." Ohno smiled and we fell asleep five minutes later, exhausted.
Night terrors.
It's the name my doctor put on my nightmares. For him, it's because of an old trauma. I think it's because of This day. I made my first crisis at my 17's. Jun was sleeping in another bedroom and found me screaming and trying to kill myself while I was sleeping. My night terrors didn't leave me since this day and that's why J always slept next to me, for my security. These crisis were very dangerous because I thought it was real. I could kill myself thinking I was killing my attacker. There was none treatment my doctor told me one day. It was because of a trauma and if I wanted to stop these night terrors, I had to face my past. But I couldn't. I couldn't confront what happened on this day. I wasn't strong enough. Besides, J was the only one who knew what happened and could understand me better than no one else. He never left me alone despite Aiba and their arguments because of me. Someone would say I was selfish to create these fights between them but it was false. In fact, I always felt guilty when J joined me for the night. I felt so bad for stealing Aiba's boyfriend away from him every night. But I couldn't help it. When you are able to sink a knife in your own chest or cut your throat because of a nightmare, you can't do anything. Sleeping is my worst fear. I always try to stay awake, drinking coffee, coca cola, vitamins but it doesn't help.
Once, I stayed awake for three days and Jun brought me at hospital to make me sleep in security. But they released me two days later. That's why when I met Ohchan, my life changed. All the parts of him appeased me. I could sleep next to him without feeling scared because I was hugging him. I needed him so bad in my life to survive!
Sho
I groaned, feeling the sun on my face. I opened my eyes and blinked when I didn't see Satoshi next to me. Standing up, I walked in the kitchen and took the note on the table.
My love,
I left yesterday night because Kazu needed me and I couldn't leave him alone. I'll come back tomorrow morning, don't forget to eat your breakfast.
I love you
Satoshi
I threw the paper, angry. Nino... Nino had found a way to bring Satoshi back to him again. I knew Nino was in love with my boyfriend. Satoshi was the only one who didn't seem to notice it. I was sure Nino tried to steal Ohchan away from me and I really felt angry. He was my friend, of course, but I was crazy about Satoshi and I wouldn't let him go. No. Never. Satoshi was mine and only mine. This brat had already lost.
I was deep in my thoughts when a noise of keys made me jump.
"Tadaima." A voice said shyly.
I ignored Ohno and drank my coffee.
"Sho?" Ohchan asked shyly, entering the kitchen. I stayed silent, looking away. "Sho, I'm sorry."
"Can you imagine how I felt when I woke up and saw you were gone to sleep with Nino?!" I yelled, throwing my cup in the sink that broke in a thousand pieces.
"Sho, Kazu needed me." Ohno protested softly.
"I don't care, Satoshi! You're my boyfriend, not his and I want my boyfriend to sleep with me at night!" I screamed making Ohno blank.
"But Sho, Kazu, he has night ter..."
"I don't care what Nino has, you won't sleep with him again!"
"But Sho, we didn't do anything wrong, believe me." Satoshi protested, tears filling his eyes and I almost punched myself for making him cry.
"How can I be sure?! How can I know that he didn't fuck you?!" I yelled but stopped when Satoshi slapped my cheek. We stared at each other with shocked eyes before my lover lowered his head.
"How can you say that? Don't you trust me?" Satoshi whispered, crying before leaving the apartment.
"Satoshi!!!" I screamed. It was the first time I was seeing Ohchan angry. It wasn't like him to get angry and slap someone. Maybe I had overreacted and hurt him...
To be continued...
A/N: Hey! I managed to post this chapter sooner xD this chapter is bringing lots of questions about Nino's past but he isn't the only one who has dark secrets in this story xD see you saturday ;)
Here, if you’re interested, is the definition of night terrors xD:
A night terror, sleep terror or pavor nocturnus is a parasomnia disorder, causing feelings of terror or dread, and typically occurring in the first few hours of sleep during stage 3 or 4 non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep.
During night terror bouts, patients are usually described as 'bolting upright' with their eyes wide open and a look of fear and panic on their face. They will often scream. Further, they will usually sweat, exhibit rapid respiration, and have a rapid heart rate (autonomic signs). In some cases, individuals are likely to have even more elaborate motor activity, such as a thrashing of limbs—which may include punching, swinging, or fleeing motions. There is a sense that the individual is trying to protect themselves and/or escape from a possible threat which can lead to physical injury of the individual. Although it seems like children are awake during a night terror, they will appear confused, be inconsolable and/or unresponsive to attempts to communicate with them, and may not recognize others familiar to them. Occasionally, when a person with a night terror is awoken, they will lash out at the person which can be dangerous for that individual. Most people who experience this disorder are amnesic, or partially amnesic from the incident the next day.