When will you notice me? (7/?)

[matsuaurore]

Title: When will you notice me?
Author: matsuaurore
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (slight)
Rating: R
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, fluff
Disclaimer: Girls, they are already naked in my bed... In my dreams xD
Summary: The first time I met him, I immediately fell in love with him. The first time I saw him, I understood he would become the most important part of my life. But what I didn't expect was his strong and free personality. When will you stop this game and will notice my deep feelings for you?







Part 6:

Jun's pov:


I don't wanna love and
I don't want anybody else
Anybody else to either

I don't want faith
I don't wanna start another war
A kingdom for my crowd of believers

Did I lose my calling
Did I lose you
Don't lovers always get what they want?


"What do you want?" I asked coldly.
"You're not happy to see me? It's hurting." The young man smirked. I decided to ignore him but he grabbed my arm roughly, bringing fear in my whole body.
"Let me go!" I tried to push him away but he was strong.
"Don't forget we still have a deal, Matsumoto."
"I don't want to deal with you anymore, leave me alone!" I yelled.
"Let him go!!!" I turned my head to see Kazu running toward us.
"It's none of your business brat!"
"Let my friend go or I'll call the police!" Ohno snapped, his Leader mode on, a phone in his hand and his eyes throwing flashes.
"Fine but this story isn't over, Jun." The man smirked, letting me go. I collapsed on my knees, crying loudly. Nino and Ohno hugged me, whispering comforting words while I was shaking in fear.
"Thank you." I sobbed.
"Do you want to stay with us, tonight?" Ohno asked worriedly.
"No. I'm fine. Just tired." I smiled weakly.
"We bring you to your bedroom." Nino said, his tone not giving me any hope to complain.


I stayed under my shower for a long time, letting the hot water fall on my body. I still could feel Takeshi's grip on my arm and it hurt. It hurt and scared me. I cried a moment, my tears mixing up with the water and I finally left the bathroom to collapse on my bed, exhausted. I was a fool to hope for my past not to come back again. Despite my efforts, I couldn't erase it nor forget it.

I made a stupid mistake
And my world crashed down
All around me oh oh
I made a stupid mistake
And I threw it all away
Threw it all away
I got lazy on the wrong side of love
Now I'm searching every face
Every crowd for you for you
For you for you

"J, are you all right?" Nino asked me.
"Yes, why?"
"Because you are...well..." Nino stared at me with worried eyes. "Very thin..."
"It's because of Kimi wa petto, I haven't the time to eat." I smiled.
"Leave it, you can't lie to me, Jun. You are like that since your break-up with Sho."
"Kazu, I'm fine." I sighed, putting my tee-shirt on and grabbing my bag.
"If you say so... You're cute with long hair."
"I look like a teenager." I pouted, passing my hand in my long curly hair. "I have to go, Koyuki-san is waiting for me."
"Jun, you shouldn't sleep with her."
"I do what I want. I'm not dating someone and besides, Kazu, I don't sleep with women." I shrugged.
"I know you are sleeping every night with different men. I hope you use protection."
"Yes mama. Seriously, Kazu, don't worry, I'm fine and I love to fuck every night different men as long as they have a cute butt." I smirked.
"Don't you think you should talk with Sho?"
"Sho is dating Masaki and it's okay now, I'm over it, he is my past not my future." I lied, of course. I was still crazy about Sho and was sleeping with different men every night just to forget my pain.
"Jun, it's not too late, he left you ten months ago, you still can fix everything and he isn't dating Aiba." Nino knew I was lying, he wasn't my best friend for nothing.
"It's too late... He left me, he doesn't love me anymore. I really have to go." I kissed his cheek and left the building quickly. Even after ten months I was still thinking about Sho and I didn't think I would ever be over this story.

"Fuck!" I thrusted a last time before cumming.
"Gosh, Jun!" The man in front of me screamed, releasing in my hand.
"You can use the shower." I muttered, slipping out of him to go to my balcony and smoke. I looked up at the sky where stars were shining, sadness invading me.
"Jun..." The man (I didn't even remember his name) said softly, joining me outside.
"Suck me." I just replied. "Or leave."
"If you want to." My one night-stand smiled and kneeling down, took me in his mouth. I moaned, pushing on his head to fuck his mouth roughly. I wasn't the innocent and kind Momo everybody was seeing on the screen but the S Jun that just Arashi knew.
I came hard in the warm mouth and pushed the guy against the wall to slip inside him.
I fucked him senseless before throwing him out of my aparment.

It was the same every night. It was my pain, it was my life. I wasn't dating nor making love, I was fucking, only filling a beast's need. But it suited me. After my story with Sho, I had decided I wouldn't fall in love with someone else. Sho would stay my first and last love. My heart will never be broken by another one.

I don't wanna stain
I don't want your love upon my hands
But I don't understand what I'm leaving

I don't wanna pray
I don't want a forgiveness from above
When none of this was of my believing

Did I choose to fall down
Did I lose you
Don't lovers always get what they want


As time passed, the mood stayed cold between us. Sho and I were barely talking to each other and our friends didn't know how to deal with this mess. Of course, in front of the camera we were acting like normal friends but the fan service was over and the shootings were very cold. I didn't know what the worse was. Losing Sho or ending like two perfect strangers as if all the wonderful things we had shared together were nothing for him. I still loved him and when he couldn't see it, was staring at him, looking at his expressions, his smile, his laugh and his new haircut. To be honest, he was damn hot with his hair from Kisarazu cat's eyes and it was hard for me not to jump on him and rape his sexy body with his full pink lips. I knew perfectly he didn't love me anymore but I couldn't stop nor erase three years of deep feelings.

When I entered the green room this morning, I understood their was something going on. My friends stopped their chat at the moment they saw me. Kazu was as always, on Ohno's lap, his face in our leader's neck and Aiba was next to Sho, their legs touching because of their closeness.

"Ohayou..." I smiled weakly, putting my bag on the table and taking a new shirt.
"Ohayou, MatsuJun."
"You can continue your talk, I don't mind." I smirked, turning toward them, half-naked. I saw Nino, Ohno and Aiba frowning and caught Sho's eyes on me but I couldn't read what was going on in his Keio brain.
"You're thin, Jun." Aiba finally said with a very serious tone.
"Oh shut up, Kazu already gave me the same speech yesterday. I'm fine." I snapped with a harsh tone that I regretted at the second I saw tears in Aiba's eyes. "I'm sorry." I hugged him to apologize.
"But JunJun looks so thin..." When Aiba used this nickname, it wasn't a good sign.
"I'm not that thin, Aibaka." I kissed his forehead, stroking his cheek. It had been a long time since I had showed such a softness toward one of my friend and I heard the Ohmiya's gasp because of my touch on Aiba.
"I don't want something happens to my JunJun." Aiba sniffed and hugged me tightly. I froze, paralyzed, my body starting to shake. Kazu saw it because he broke the hug, allowing me to breath in relief. I quickly pulled my shirt on, trying to stop my fear and shakes.
"Are you okay, J?" Kazu whispered. He knew perfectly why I had this type of reaction and why I broke my couple with Sho.
"Y-es." I forced a smile but he saw the fear shining in my eyes.
"We wanted to spend time tonight at our apartment, want to come?"
"I..."
"Please, JunJun!!!" Aiba implored.
"Ok ok." I agreed quickly before he could jump on me again.

Even if I didn't hope anything, I took good clothes and styled my hair. When I knocked on Kazu and Ohchan's apartment, my heart was beating furiously.

"Wouahhh, you're very beautiful Jun." Nino exclaimed when he saw me.
"Thank you." I blushed deeply, uncomfortable.
"You're still cute when you blush, it's good to see your old self." Nino smirked. I followed him and blushed again when I saw Sho on the sofa with Aiba next to him.
"JunJun is so gorgeous tonight!!" Aiba exclaimed.
"Does it mean I'm ugly usually?" I smirked.
"No but you're even more beautiful!"Aiba beamed. "Do you want to be my boyfriend?" Sho almost spitted his beer and my mouth fell open at my friend's words.
"Not funny Aibaka." I muttered. Aiba pouted but sat on my lap before I could react.
"So, shall we start?" Nino asked when coldness invaded the room. It took lots of beers to appease the mood but we finally ended up drunk, giggling stupidly though, even drunk, Sho wasn't talking to me.

I sighed in happiness when the cold water touched my face. My cheeks were red because of the alcohol but I felt a bit happier than before.

"It's dangerous for a sexy guy like you to stay alone." A voice whispered in my ear.
"Eh?" I jumped, feeling Aiba's arms wrapping my waist from behind.
"I was serious, Jun-kun."
"Aiba, you're drunk." I tried to push him away but a drunk Aiba also meant a stronger Aiba and my friend didn't move a bit.
"I like you, Jun."
"You're dating Sho and you're drunk, stop with your silly words." I protested.
"Sho-chan is just a friend, but you, I like you."
"Masaki, stop, you don't know what you are saying."
"Please, Jun, I know you still love Sho but let me help you to forget him." Aiba implored, grabbing my nape.
"Masaki, no..." I never finished my sentence because of a full mouth pressing mine. I felt Aiba's tongue invading me and kissed him back with despair. Masaki was a beautiful man and I would be a liar to say he didn't attract me. But as gorgeous as Aiba was, I didn't feel anything more than friendship for him and refused to use him to forget Sho.
"Enough, Masaki." I pushed him away.
"I want you." Aiba grabbed my belt, staring at me with hungry eyes.
"You're drunk, let me go, you're scaring me!" I pushed him away again but my friend grabbed my arm strongly, sticking me against the wall. Tears started to roll down my cheeks, my body shaking in fear and Aiba froze at this moment.
"I'm sorry, Jun, I didn't mean..."
"Let me go!!" I yelled, pushing him roughly and running away.

"Jun, where are you going?!" Nino shouted when I grabbed my shoes.
"Sorry, I'm tired." I stared at him, tears still leaving my eyes like a waterfall.
"Jun, I'm sorry" I saw Aiba entering the room with panicked eyes. But I shook my head and left the apartment.
"What happened?" Ohno frowned.
"I'm sorry, I'm drunk, I didn't realize I was..." Aiba sobbed.
"What did you do to him?!!" Nino yelled.
"I kissed him and grabbed his arm roughly but..."
"Shit!!!" Nino swore, grabbing his shoes.
"Nino..."
"You shouldn't have done that, Jun is afraid by other's touch." Nino shouted before leaving. The three friends stared at the door with shocked eyes.
"Sho?!" Ohno called.
"I'm going after them!" The caster replied.

****

I ran as fast as I could, trying not to fall on the ground. Aiba scared me. The look in his eyes scared me. I slammed my door's apartment and ran in my bathroom. I sighed in relief when the water touched my body and started to stroke my skin roughly, crying.


I've been walking around with my head in the dirt
I've been stripped of everything that ever made me converse
I've been lonely
I've been searching
The crowd for you for you
For you for you

I got lazy on the wrong side of love
I was stupid sold my kingdom for a war with you


"Jun!" I jumped, seeing Nino with a panicked face.
"Ka-zu..." I sobbed but continued to scratch my skin that became super red.
"Stop it!" Nino grabbed my hand, making me freeze. "Jun, please, stop hurting yourself." Nino released my hand.
"But..."
"Nino!" We both jumped, seeing Sho next to the door, looking at us with shocked eyes or rather looking at my bleeding arm.
"No..." I started to cry loudly.
"Leave Sho!" Nino yelled. "Calm down, Jun, please."
"No, I..."
"Get out Sakurai!!" Nino shouted angrily before wrapping me in his arms. I cried in his neck, grabbing his shirt with despair. After some seconds, Sho left the bathroom.
"Hey, he left, calm down, J." Nino kept repeating.
"Masaki he..."
"I know, he told me. Calm down, it's over, he is sorry." Nino helped me to put a pajamas and led me toward my bedroom. I saw Sho still in the corridor and lowered my eyes, ashamed. "Sleep, I'll be in the next room." Nino kissed my forehead and left. Exhausted, I fell asleep in one minute.

"Could you be kind enough to explain what happened?" Sho said when Nino entered the living room.
"He made a crisis, I thought it was obvious." Nino muttered, walking toward the kitchen.
"Why?"
"I can't tell you, he forbade me."
"I think I have the right to know, I'm his boyfriend." Sho jumped when Nino slammed the door's fridge violently.
"EX-boyfriend, Sakurai. You left him one year ago, did you forget?!" Nino snapped angrily.
"Because he was rejecting me!"
"Did you try to understand him, to understand why he was acting like that?!"
"Yes, I asked him, I..."
"So easy. You asked? Sho Sakurai the most perfect newscaster asked his own boyfriend why he was afraid by him?! So kind!" Nino said sarcastically.
"But I couldn't force him..."
"Instead you left him! You didn't fight."
"False, I fought for three years but he never told me."
"You fought? So funny, Sho. You never fought, you just tried to know and gave up every time he said he was fine." Nino chuckled. "You never really tried to understand him, so, now you've broken him, don't act as if he was still important and meant something to you."
"He is important for me, more than anyone else."
"Leave it, Sakurai, it wasn't you who had to deal with him when you left. Don't pretend to be important now, leave him, I'm used to his crisis, I know how to appease him." Nino replied.
Sho shook his head but left. "You give up at the first difficulty once more time, Sho." Nino sighed when the door slammed.

When I woke up the next morning, Nino told me everything and I called Aiba to reassure him and tell him I wasn't angry. I was more angry at myself because I had shown my biggest weakness to the rest of Arashi. Nino was the only one who knew why I was acting like that even though I thought Ohno knew more than he pretended.

Time passed but nothing changed or maybe everything got worse. Sho was acting colder than ever, almost ignoring me but I kept my professional mode to keep Arashi safe. We were two strangers, as if I was the person he hated the most in the world.

One day, something changed though. I was starting a new drama, Hana yori dango and Arashi started to have lots of success because of the almighty Tsukasa Domyouji. This role was so unlike me but was funny and helped me to move on a lot. In fact, Shun helped me to move on and not in a way you would call "innocent".


I would have never thought HanaDan would have this success. Domyouji and Makino were now two big idols even if I really didn't understand why the fans wanted us together. Mao-chan was like a sister for me and even if I hadn't been gay, I would have never dated her. But what made me laugh in this story was the fact everybody said we were together when I was sleeping with Shun. He was only a best friend for me but we liked each other's and it was good to sleep with a man as beautiful as Shun was. Plus, he was a God in bed. Not as much as Sho because my biggest orgasms were with him but Shun was pretty good and it helped me to release the tension. Another one I kept sleeping with was Toma. Good looking face, beautiful butt and also good in bed. They both knew I was sleeping with us but none of us wanted a real relationship, mostly Shun who wanted to get married.

"Hey, baby, what's wrong." I heard a sound of sheets before seeing Shun's face above me.
"I was thinking at how amazing it feels inside you." I smirked.
"Pervert. Next time, I top."
"In your dream Rui, I always top." I chuckled, stroking his naked chest.
"You're still so arrogant Domyouji, why can't I top, I'm older than you." Shun smirked.
"Because nobody is allowed to take me, Hanazawa."
"Just Sakurai." Shun chuckled but froze when I pushed him away.
"You should learn to shut your mouth, Shun." I stood up, still naked to grab some clothes.
"Sorry. I thought it was over between you two."
"It is." I snapped, taking my boxer when two hands stopped me. I froze, paralyzed.
"You shouldn't hide him your traumas."
"Who said I have traumas?" I smirked.
"Oh please, Jun. Don't play the fool, I know you are afraid when someone is touching you. I’m just allowed to touch your shoulders when we are fucking and I bet it’s the same with the others. The only one you're not afraid of is Nino. I wonder why..." Shun whispered. It was false. I was still a bit afraid but as Kazu forced me to see a psychologist, I was slowly overcoming my fears but a stranger still couldn't touch me.
"I'm not afraid, I just don't like it." I turned around, catching Shun's lips hungrily. I wanted to prove him he was wrong. We ended in bed, fucking like rabbits.

****

"Jun!!!" Nino burst in the green room, making me jump.
"What?" I muttered, annoyed because of the noise.
"We have a little problem but don't panic."
"Hun?"
"You have to do the next CM for AU."
"And what the problem is? It's not like I have never done a CM." I mumbled.
"With Sho..." It was only a whispered but I froze.
"What?! No way!!" I yelled.
"I'm sorry..."
"The script!" I stood up and left the room to look for the script. It was impossible. It couldn't be true. I couldn't do this CM. "Takeda-san!"
"Ah, MatsuJun, I have something for you and Sakurai." My manager smiled, Sho next to him.
"What..."
"I was giving the script of your new CM to Sakurai-san, this is yours." Takeda held me out the papers. I took it and read it quickly, my face paling. "Do your best." Takeda beamed before leaving.
"I can't do that..." I whispered.
"Sure you would prefer Shun or Toma." Sho replied coldly.
"What?"
"It's better when it's this kind of scene with the person you sleep with."
"Fuck you, Sho, you left me, I sleep with who I want!" I snapped. Sho froze at my words and I also regreted it. "Sorry." I muttered.
"The Jun I loved would have never talked like that. You've changed, Matsumoto." Sho said calmly, leaving me in the corridor.

I wanted to catch him, to apologize and hug him but I couldn't. We were two strangers now. He left me 8 years ago but I was still crazy about him despite the fact it was really over between us. I was now the only one who suffered in this story and knew it will never stop. I wouldn't be able to love someone else than Sho.

Of course, the shooting was horrible. I arrived and saw Sho acting like a professional perfect Sakurai who was smiling and talking with the staff.

"Ah, Matsumoto-san." Sho grinned but I knew perfectly it was a fake smile.
"Sakurai-san." I bowed slightly.
"Perfect, you know what you have to do, we can start." The director said.
"Try to be a bit professional." Sho whispered in my ear. I boiled. I wanted to kill him!

Sho laid down on the bed, a phone in his hands and soon, I joined him.

"You know you're an asshole, baby." I smirked.
"Less than you." Sho muttered, surprise by my words. I kept smiling at the camera.
"Again, the lights weren't good." The staff exclaimed. We both sighed but deep inside, I was grinning. I was going to give to Sho a little revenge.

After several tentatives, I decided to really attack.

"Action!"

I climbed on the bed with a big smile.



"What are you doing, dear?" I whispered.
"Shut up." I laughed, making him smile.
"You know you are still so sexy." I whispered in his ear. Sho smiled weakly, uncomfortable. "I would love to eat you and especially Sho-chan junior." I insisted, my hand stroking discretely the inside of his thigh. Sho froze, a drop of sweat rolling down his temple. I grinned, knowing I had won. "Are you getting hard?" I whispered, stroking him secretly once more time.
"Fuck you, Jun." Sho growled.
"I would love to fuck with you, yes." I beamed.
"And cut! Perfect!" The staff yelled.

I chuckled and left happily, knowing Sho would kill me after that. But I gave him a little lesson.

"What were you playing at?!" A voice yelled at me in the room, making me freeze.

I made a stupid mistake
And my world crashed down

Now I'm searching every face
Every crowd for you for you
For you for you



To be continued...




A/N: Sorryyyyyyy for this cut xD I know I've written a bit harsh Aiba but for my defence, he was drunk and didn't realize what he was doing xDD so.... I don't know what to say xD For the readers who asked me, Jun is afradi by Sho's touch but can sleep with strangers because he doesn't allow them to touch him, he just fucks them and they are just allowed to touch his shoulder like Shun xD Kazu is the only one who can touch him freely ^^