matsuaurore: (Default)
matsuaurore ([personal profile] matsuaurore) wrote2017-03-24 11:07 pm

If you say so (chapter 3)

Title: If you say so
[ profile] matsuaurore
Banner: [ profile] lilisan31 <3
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ohmiya, Sakumoto
Genre: Au, angst, romance, drama
Summary: Nino and Ohno were living a life full of happiness and love until Nino ran away for a mysterious reason, leaving only a letter to his boyfriend who was decided to pursue him until the end of the world.


Part 3:

It's been seven whole days, seven whole days
Since you paralyzed me.
Seven whole days, seven whole days
Since you lost your fight.
And I can't get the last words that you said,
Can't get those words out of my head.
Seven whole days, seven whole days
And four words.

What can you do when the love of your life leaves you without a word? Even though everybody tells you to get up and live, Ohno didn’t know how to move on. Nino wasn’t just his boyfriend. Nino was his half. The person he shared everything with, the only person with whom he could spend a whole afternoon without exchanging a word because silence could be worth all the conversations of the world. Ohno wasn’t someone you could describe as cool and popular. He wasn’t very talkative, his passions weren’t football, baseball or any famous sport but drawing and fishing. When teenagers spent their nights in clubs with girls and drinking, Ohno stayed in his bedroom, painting for hours and enjoying his tranquility. When the guys of his class tried to be the most popular and to have as many friends as possible, Ohno stayed alone in his corner. He didn’t have many friends but the ones he had were always here for him if he needed them. But what bothered Ohno was his lack of dreams. At 19 years old, the young man didn’t have any goals, had never dated someone since girls didn’t interest him and boys weren’t attracted by his quiet personality. Of course, he loved to sing, but was scared to be in front of someone else. To be judged, to be hated.
But everything changed the day he met Nino. At first, he just found him cute but nothing more. But as time passed, the young singer started to grow attached to him, finding in him a friend but also a confident. Ohno had always been the one who listened to the others’ problems without really talking about his but with Nino, he felt comfortable and wasn’t scared to talk about his fears. The younger always listened to him and gave him advices even though, he could act like a true brat sometimes. His friend didn’t like to show his feelings in front of everybody but Ohno knew deep inside, he cared a lot about his friends and family. And like him, Nino preferred to stay at home, alone, playing at his video games or watching movies. They got along very well, spending their afternoons together, Ohno painting and Nino playing, sometimes without talking at all but just enjoying each other’s presence. Their friendship was deep and got deeper when Nino agreed to date him. They spent the most precious moments of their lives when they moved together in this apartment full of laughs and love.

And I can't get away from the burning pain,
I lie awake.
And the fallen hero haunts my thoughts,
How could you leave me this way?

That’s why, Ohno couldn’t move on. His body and his mind were like a wreck, any will to get up and move on far behind him.
Time passed slowly for the singer who had finally decided to face this cruel reality, even though it was just a facade. Ohno was getting up every day, ate, drank, worked like every normal person but the difference between him and a lambda person was inside. Deep inside. Because, deep inside, Ohno was dead. His heart was frozen, as if it was made of crystal like a beautiful piece of art. The singer couldn’t feel any emotion, even his work didn’t bring him any pleasure anymore. Acting like an automate was his daily life since Nino’s start. Someone said time heals your wounds but sometimes, there were wounds that nothing could heal nor erase. Despite all his attempts, Ohno never managed to find Nino. It was as if his lover had disappeared and Jun always refused to give him any information’s.

It's been seven whole days
Without your embrace.
I want to see your face,
I got some things to say.
Was just a week ago,
You said, "I love you boy."
I said, "I love you more."
Then a breath, a pause, you said,
If you say so.
If you say so.

Under his family’s and the strict mind of Japan’s society, Ohno had agreed to meet a girl. A beautiful actress that any “normal” man would dream to date. The singer knew his homosexuality wouldn’t be accepted in this country full of prejudices and based on “appearances”. If someone discovered his tastes for men, his entire career would end into the toilets. Because nobody accepted guys like him. Or at least, the majority. Who he slept with didn’t affect his work but only God knows why people cared about his sex life. If they were so interested about who slept with him, maybe he should fuck in the middle of Shibuya’s street!
The actress was kind. Well, as kind as a famous actress covered of success and money could be. She was kind but superficial, hadn’t any constructive conversation if you didn’t talk about rumors and show business. But Ohno was resolved to act like a “normal” person. Kissing her wasn’t disgusting nor pleasurable. It was just a pair of lips after all, a man or woman’s mouth was the same. The difference came from the feelings. And Ohno didn’t feel anything for her. The biggest problem was sex. The singer was bisexual but when he thought about it, had never had sex with a woman. Of course, he had some girlfriends before dating Nino but they only did some foreplays, not much and he could always get hard so, why, with her, couldn’t he make it get up? Ohno knew the answer. Because she wasn’t Nino. Even a man would have to work very hard on him to get him hard.

It's been seven whole days, seven whole days
Since I heard the phone ring.
Seven whole days, seven whole days
Since I heard your voice.
And I can't get the last words that you say,
Can't get those words out of my head.
It's been seven whole days, seven whole days
Of pure hurt.

The first time they tried to make love, Ohno pretended tiredness was the culprit but knew he had to find a solution quickly before she could find out the truth and repeat it to the press people. Luckily, his manager had found him the pills that would save him when he needed. Lying to his girlfriend seemed horrible but Ohno’s heart wasn’t able to feel any guilt anymore. And he knew his girlfriend was using him as much as he used her. The singer was living in a big lie but without Nino, hadn’t the will to change it. Several times, he had tried to fuck with a man but anytime they ended naked, Ohno ran away, unable to touch another man than Nino. Because Nino had stolen him everything. His heart, his happiness and also his sexual desires.

And I can't get away from the burning pain,
I lie awake.
And the fallen hero haunts my thoughts,
How could you leave me this way?

It's been seven whole days
Without your embrace.
I want to see your face,
I got some things to say.
Was just a week ago,
You said, "I love you boy."
I said, "I love you more."
Then a breath, a pause, you said,
If you say so.
If you say so.

Three years later…

“And here, the living room…”

“Hummm… It’s perfect, we will take it.” The woman bowed.

“Thank you Ohno-san. You’ll be able to move in tomorrow as it’s free.”

“Thank you. We have to go. Goodbye.” Satoshi bowed and left, inhaling the pleasant air of this spring day. This town was perfect for his new beginning far away from the noisy Shibuya full of paparazzi. His wife and he had agreed to move elsewhere because their couple wasn’t going well but they wanted to fix everything because of their son. With time, Ohno had learnt to know her and then, to like her. Of course, his pain would never go away but now, the singer could say he was ‘happy’. His life was a bit boring but at least, he knew Suzuka would never make him suffer like Nino did. Because she needed him. And Nino never did. If his ex-boyfriend had needed him, he wouldn’t have left, wouldn’t have taken his heart nor erased everything they had. Ohno had looked for him for one year after his start. Had made so many researches that he didn’t even sleep anymore but it seemed the gamer wasn’t ready to let him find him ever again. So, Ohno had started to accept this painful reality.

I can't believe it's true,
I keep looking for you,
I check my phone and wait
To hear from you.
In the crowded room
The joker is so cruel.
And now I'll never know,
If all I've been told
Is just a lie so bold,
I thought we would grow old.
Mirrors in the smoke
Left me here to choke.

“I’ll go for a walk, don’t wait for me…” Ohno mumbled to his wife who frowned.

“Can’t I come?”

“I need to be alone…”

“Don’t forget Kazu.” His wife snapped.

“You perfectly know he is always my first priority. And you are too.” Ohno grumbled. “I just need to walk alone some minutes, is it too much asking?”

His wife stared at him with suspicious eyes before sighing and nodding with a smile.

“Okay, but don’t be too long.” She kissed him. “I love you.”

“Humm…” Ohno hummed with a slight smile.

The singer stretched his back and decided to visit the park next to their future apartment. Spring in Japan was just the best season of the year, the landscapes were amazing with all the cherry trees and the pleasant soft wind. Ohno closed his eyes, trying to fight the memories of Nino and him when they spent their afternoons in their favorite parks some years ago.

“Tsuki! Come here!!”

Ohno froze, an Australian Shepherd running toward him and barking happily. But it wasn’t what had paralyzed the singer but the familiar voice calling the dog with despair.

“Hey…” Ohno stroked the dog’s head with a smile, the soft animal licking his palm happily. He had certainly dreamt, it couldn’t be His voice.

It's been seven whole days
Without your embrace.
I want to see your face,
I got some things to say.
Was just a week ago,
You said, "I love you boy."
I said, "I love you more."
Then a breath, a pause, you said,
If you say so.
If you say so.
If you say so.

“Tsuki!” The dog barked and ran toward a small guy wearing sunglasses and a cap. “What happened? It’s not like you to run away like that…”

“Kazu?” Ohno’s eyes widened. The gamer froze and bit his lip.

“Shit…” Nino whispered.

“What are you doing here???” Ohno almost ran toward him.

“Hi…” Nino mumbled, uncomfortable.

“So, you were living here all this time…”

“Yes… It’s calm, I like this town… and it’s easier with Tsuki as he needs to run…”

“I didn’t know you were the type of man who likes animals…”

“Well, Tsuki is special for me…”

“How are you?”

“Fine… I guess… congratulation for your marriage and your son…”

“Ah… Thank you…”

“I have to go, have a good afternoon…” Nino bowed slightly and left before Ohno could react.

The singer almost fell on the grass, still shocked. The love of his life was just in front of him some minutes ago after three long years. Ohno had never managed to find him in one year and now, after all this time, met him by chance in this small town. The wound that was desperately trying to heal since all this time was reopening and it was painful. Very painful. His ex-lover looked so fragile, so thin, as if he was bearing a big weight on his shoulders. But despite all that, Ohno couldn’t help but still love him so much. And even if during all this time, the singer had hated what Nino did to him, he couldn’t stop his heart to ach.
The singer started to move in his new apartment with his wife and two years old son the next day. The residence was calm and beautiful, with a small park in the middle where some people sat to talk and spend the afternoon under the pleasant rays of the sun. This place would be perfect for Ohno to find some inspiration for his future album.

Finding Nino again wouldn’t be easy, Ohno knew it but it was a small town and unless his ex-lover ran away, the singer was sure to find him someday in this park or somewhere in a konbini. But Ohno wanted answers now he had found his ex-boyfriend. He needed answers to move on completely and let him go. The singer didn’t want to have him back, he had a family he loved and wasn’t ready to suffer again because of Nino. But after all this time, the gamer would have to face his responsibilities and to tell him why he had left.

“Satoshi?” A surprised voice made Ohno blink and turn around as he was about to enter his apartment.

“Jun… Hello…” Well, after Kazu, I’m not very surprised to see Jun here… Ohno thought.

“What are you doing here?”

“I live here. I have found an apartment and moved in this morning with my family… and you?”

“Ano… I… I came for business…” Jun lied.

“You’re a pretty bad liar, Jun. I saw him yesterday, I know he lives in this town…”


“I didn’t even look for him. I decided to move in this town and I met him by chance yesterday in the park next to my residence…”

“So, you saw him…”


“And it doesn’t bother you? Though, I knew you wouldn’t care, this idiot never listened to me three years ago, he is so stubborn…”


“Tsuki! Come here!” A voice ordered but the dog barked and ran toward Ohno happily.

“Hey, you again?” Ohno smiled and stroked the soft head, his heart pounding at the thought of seeing Nino but the singer froze when his ex-lover arrived, holding a man’s hand.

“Oh oh…” Jun chuckled slightly.


“Ohchan? What are you doing here?”

“I live here…”

“That’s so incredible, Nino is your neighbor!” Jun exclaimed.


“Fate can make beautiful tricks sometimes.”

“Kazu? Who is this man?” The unknown guy asked under Ohno’s intense stare.

“Ano… an old friend…”

“His ex-boyfriend.” Ohno said at the same time.

“Oh! You’re the famous Toshi, then!!! Kazu talked a lot about you!”

“Aiba! Shut up!”

“Or what? You’ll kick my butt? You wouldn’t even find it like the baka you are!”

“Oi! How do you dare, Aibaka?!!”

Ohno stared at the scene with shocked yes, not understanding a word. This Aiba was Nino’s lover?

“Aiba, let’s leave them talk, I think Satoshi is a bit lost…”

“Yup… See you later, Neen!” Aiba kissed his cheek and left with Jun.

“Well, come in, then…” Nino opened his door and entered his apartment.

“Sorry for disturbing.” Ohno followed him, surprised to discover an apartment completely different than his. The place was very spacious with just some furniture. Nino touched a table with the tip of his fingers as if this gesture was helping him to handle this situation before walking toward the kitchen.

“I’ll bring you some tea, there is the sofa in the living room.”

“Thank you.” Ohno smiled as Tsuki was following his master like his shadow and sat on the sofa. This place wasn’t like Nino. There weren’t any video games nor pictures but just his piano and his guitar like when they lived together.

“So, he is your boyfriend?”

“Aiba? No.” Nino chuckled. “This baka is just a friend, he comes here often to annoy me. And you, how is your wife? And your son?” The gamer tried to sound normal but a deep sadness was resounding in his words.

“She is fine. And our son too.”

“He is very cute. He looks like you a lot with his chubby cheeks and his pouty lips.” Nino chuckled and grabbed a tray to join him.



“Why did you leave me?”

“I already told you.”

“No! You ran away, leaving me only a stupid letter, that’s not an explanation, Kazu!!!!”

“I’m sorry…”

“I don’t care about your excuses! You’ve broken me!!! You destroyed me without having the balls to confront me!!!” Ohno yelled, making Nino jump, the tray in his hands falling on the ground. Tsuki growled but the gamer raised his hand.

“Calm down, Tsuki …”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled…” Ohno cleaned the mess. “I only want a real answer, I can’t move on, Kazu, I can’t stop loving you though, I should have all the rights to hate you…”

“It’s true… You can hate me, what I did was horrible, I know it…”

“Why, then?”

“I… I couldn’t stand your work anymore. Too much pressure.”

“You didn’t love me enough to bear it?”

“It seems I didn’t…”

“I would have left everything for you.”

“You loved your job, I couldn’t ask you to give up on your dreams!”

“You were more important!!!”

“I was a burden!!!”

“You never were!!! It’s what you wanted to think!!!”

Nino bit his lip and lowered his head.

“You should leave, I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“It’s too late for that, I will never stop suffering because you stole everything I had. You stole my life!”

“Because you think it’s what I wanted???!!! Do you think I prefer the miserable life I lead today??!! Everyday is a fight for me, getting up is the hardest think I have to do every morning! I just want to give up on everything but I know I don’t have the right to!!! And knowing you have a wife and a son doesn’t help me to feel better!!”

“Why? You have a perfect life now. The life you dreamt to have.”

“Believe me, this life is far from what I wanted to have. But I don’t have the right to complain, because I’m alive and there are persons in worst situations than mine.” Nino turned around, sobbing.

“I don’t understand anything. Do you have money problems? I can help you or Jun if it’s the case.”

“Leave, please.”

“No. Not before you explain me what’s going on. Look at me, Kazu.”


“Look at me!” Ohno grabbed his arm to turn him around and took his chin to raise his face, wanting to see the truth inside his eyes but Nino slapped his hand.

“Don’t touch me!”

“Then, stop acting like a child! Is it a way not to confront me?! Not to tell me right in the eyes why you left?!!!”

“I don’t care about what you think!” Nino yelled.

The singer stared at him with sadness and lowered his hand.

“You’ve changed a lot. You’re not the Kazu I loved…”

“Well, congratulation, you’ve finally realized it. This man doesn’t exist anymore, so, maybe you’ll be able to forget him, now.”

“I’ll never forget this man. Because he was the person I needed to be happy. Goodbye, Ka… Ninomiya-san, I wish you good luck for the future.” Ohno sighed sadly and left.

The singer leaned against the door, crying silently. Why? Why despite Nino’s rejections, he couldn’t stop loving him or couldn’t even hate him? Life was so unfair! His heart wasn’t even able to get free from the past. Nino was another person and he had to accept it. Of course, he had his family and wouldn’t abandon them if Nino told him he still loved him but Ohno wanted to know why. Having the truth would help him to draw a line definitively on Nino.

To be continued…

A/N: Hiiii!!! Here was the chapter 3! Well, I know you’re going to hate me for what happened and for Ohno’s family but I think it would be more realistic if he had built his own family instead of just crying over his loss. He still loves Nino and will never overcome their break-up but he tried to find happiness in his way. Plus, it would have been too easy if he stayed alone all this time xD I wanted things to be very complicated for our dear Ohmiya xD
So, in the next chapter, you’ll discover why Nino left, what happened after his start, you also will learn more about Aiba, his life and his important role in this story J Ohmiya will also have their important conversation and with Jun’s help, Ohno will discover why Nino left J See you next week, comments are deeply <3, even the short ones :D

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