matsuaurore: (Default)
matsuaurore ([personal profile] matsuaurore) wrote2017-03-16 09:52 pm

If you say so (chapter 2)

Title: If you say so
Author:
[livejournal.com profile] matsuaurore
Banner: [livejournal.com profile] lilisan31 <3
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ohmiya, Sakumoto
Genre: Au, angst, romance, drama
Summary: Nino and Ohno were living a life full of happiness and love until Nino ran away for a mysterious reason, leaving only a letter to his boyfriend who was decided to pursue him until the end of the world.


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Part 2:
“You can close your eyes
To things you don’t want to see
But you can’t close your heart
To things you don’t want to feel”

Ohno ran in the hospital, out of breath, his heart pounding crazily. The singer was in the middle of his PV’s recording when his manager had told him his lover had had an accident and was brought in emergency at hospital. The way to the hospital had been intense, the singer already imagining the worst. What would he do if something happened to his Kazu? It had always been his biggest fear because despite his success in his career, everything would have no sense if his boyfriend wasn’t by his side anymore. Kazu was his reason to live, to get up and to fight in the worst moments. His lover was the only one who had found the good words to make him fight for his dreams and mostly who saw the real “him”.

“Ninomiya Kazunari’s bedroom, please!” Ohno asked to the first nurse he met in the corridor. The woman gasped, recognizing him but seeing Ohno’s panicked face, decided to forget his fan girl mode.

“Bedroom 3104.”

“Thank you!” Ohno hurried toward the bedroom, opening it with shaking hand. “Kazu!” The singer cried, rushing toward his lover who moaned and opened his eyes.

“You are too loud, old man…”

“I was so scared! What happened?!”

“A bad headache… I fainted while crossing the road, luckily, the car only hit my hips slightly…”

“Baka! I told you, you are working too much…”

“Says the one who works after midnight…”

“I’m sorry Kazu… You feel lonely because of me…” Ohno lowered his head, sitting on the edge of the bed. He knew perfectly how much he worked and how lonely Nino felt despite his lack of reproaches. His lover had never complained, even when they couldn’t see each other for weeks, Ohno always wondered how he could be so lucky to have such a comprehensive boyfriend, ready to accept the most annoying aspects of his work.

“I knew how it would be when we started to date… Don’t worry, I’m fine…” Nino smiled softly.

And yet, you never complain when you have perfectly the right to… Ohno thought.

“No, it’s not… I’ll take some vacations and we will go to Hokkaido, just the two of us…”

“But Satoshi…”

“I also need some rest… I’m dead tired too and the agency can’t refuse me that… I’ll tell them I will take one month for Christmas.”

“You’re crazy, there are lots of events for you during Christmas!”

“For once, I’ll cancel everything and don’t try to stop me, my decision is made.”

“Alright… baka…”

“I don’t want to lose you, Kazu…”

“You won’t… I have promised you a long time ago…” Nino smiled, linking their fingers.

“You better hold this promise forever.” Ohno chuckled, laying down next to him to hug him.

“I’ll do my best.” Nino smiled, closing his eyes.

****

Several months later…

Ohno yawned, stretching his body with a smile. Today was a good day. It was his last day before their vacations in Hokkaido for Christmas Eve. Everything was planned, they would leave tomorrow morning and would spend a full month together far away from the media, paparazzi and fans. And the most important, Ohno would finally take care of his lover. These past months had been horrible as both worked a lot and didn’t even have the energy to make love. Nino was acting weirdly, being more distant, and spending lots of time at the agency. Ohno thought all that was his fault, after all, the singer worked so much and often didn’t come home. It was about time to change that and to prove him how much he needed and loved him.

“See you tonight, Kitty. I love you.”

“I love you too…” Nino mumbled in his sleep, like an automatism.

“I love you more…” Ohno grinned, even asleep, Nino would say he loves him.

“If you say so…” Ohno chuckled, kissed Nino’s naked shoulder and left the bedroom, missing the tears on his supposedly sleeping boyfriend.
Once Ohno gone, Nino stood up and took a shower before starting to pack his belongings.

Today was definitely a bad day. The start of the end.

Crying silently, Nino put everything in boxes, leaving only his pillow, taking all the pictures on the walls to not let any bad memory to Ohno. Leaving him was the hardest and most horrible decision he had ever taken but unfortunately, the gamer didn’t have the choice. Ohno deserved the best.

“Are you sure, Kazu?” Jun asked behind him. “You still can forget this stupid idea… He loves you and you love him. Your start is going to destroy him…”

“I don’t have the choice, J… I’m taking the right decision. He doesn’t deserve someone like me… He will find a better match. What can I bring him? Nothing. Not even a child. Ohchan is bi, he will find a good girl able to give birth and to support him everyday in the worst moments. I’m unable to support him. Not anymore.”

“Kazu… He needs you; not someone else…”

“Please, Jun… Don’t make it harder… I’m trying to not crack down for almost a year, help me until I leave completely his life.” Nino sobbed, clenching his hands.

“I’m sorry…” Jun hugged him tightly. “I know you think it’s the best decision… I don’t agree but you’re like my brother so, I’ll support you. Always.”

“Can you take the boxes for me? I don’t have the strength to…”

“Of course. Join me when you’ll be ready.” Jun left the apartment.

“I’m so sorry, Satoshi…” Nino looked at the dark apartment, remembering all the good memories they had shared here. Their first time, their first life together, even the fights that always ended in their bed with an intense love making. This apartment was more than an ordinary one. It was there where Nino had experimented his first times with Ohno. The first times you discovered in a serious relationship. This place meant so much for him. “I’ll always love you my love…” Nino put a letter on the pillow with the necklace Ohno had given him for their 3rd anniversary. Leaving it was like ripping his own heart, this necklace was so important but Nino knew he would never move on if he kept it. Though, the gamer wondered how he would do to ever move on. After all, Ohno was what he needed the most in his life. He could accept the loss of anything except his lover and Jun.

Nino stared at the walls of their living room with a smile for the last time. Anyone who didn’t know its story would wonder why there was this mix of blue and yellow on it. Nino remembered as if it was yesterday how they made a mess on the walls just before they started to live there.

6 years ago…

“Ohchan!” Nino groaned as Ohno was covering his eyes for 10 minutes and had led him in a place he didn’t know.

“Okay okay, you can see.” Ohno chuckled, moving his hands away from the gamer’s eyes. Nino blinked and looked at the apartment they were in. The place was big and modern but very cozy, a pleasant scent winning his nose.

“Can you explain?”

“I have bought it. We can finally live here together!” Ohno grinned like a child.

“Are you serious???”

“Only if you still want to live with me.”

“Of course I want to!”

“Do you like it?”

“I love it!!!!” Nino jumped in his lover’s arms to kiss him with passion, making Ohno laugh happily.

“I’m glad you like it. And we can paint the walls like we want as I own it.”

“Mmmmm… I would like light blue walls for the living room.”

“Oh… I thought about yellow walls…”

“No, blue.” Nino said stubbornly.

“We’ll see who will win this.” Ohno smirked, stroking Nino’s butt. They didn’t even wait to put their bed in their new apartment and made love with passion on the carpet, signing the beginning of a new happy life together.

*****

“Kazu? Where are you? It stinks…” Ohno frowned when two days later, the singer entered their apartment with pots of yellow painting in his hands.

“In the living room!” Nino yelled. The singer smiled and joined him before his eyes widened in shock when he discovered his lover painting the walls in a light blue.

“Kazu!!!!!”

“We agreed for blue.” Nino smiled innocently.

“I never agreed! I wanted yellow!”

“Too bad, I thought you wanted blue.” Nino threw him a mischievous smile. Smiling evilly, Ohno opened the box of yellow painting, grabbed a paintbrush and started to draw lines on the blue wall.

“OIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!” Nino jumped on him to stop him, both falling against the wall. The two lovers stared at each other and the wall before bursting into laugh. “Don’t you dare trying to paint these walls in yellow.” Nino smirked.

“And you in blue.” Ohno chuckled. They stared at each other before running toward the wall to paint it. Two hours later, the walls were in yellow with big splashes of blue, the two lovers covered of paint and laughing stupidly.

“It’s horrible.”

“But I like it.” Ohno smiled.

“Me too. It’s ‘us’.” Nino grinned.

Present day….

Nino stared at the apartment a last time before leaving, his heart aching like hell despite the ‘certitude’ of his decision.
A page was turning and even if it was incredibly painful, the gamer fought this sorrow growing inside him.
Nino climbed in Jun’s car, drying his tears with the back of his hand. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. No. I’ll never know what the best decision to take was. Let’s go.”

“I have found you a good apartment, you will have time to get used to it and I have contacted the persons who will help you when I won’t be here.”

“Thank you, J, you did great.”

“For Satoshi…”

“Please. You swore you wouldn’t tell him anything. Can I count on you? If not, I’ll leave this car, will resolve this situation by myself and you’ll never seen me again.”

“It’s unfair…”

“Life is unfair, Jun. Life is stealing me all the precious things I had in my life so, please, don’t start to say I’m unfair with you…”

“I know…” Jun lowered his head, feeling bad. Nino was right, he wasn’t in the position to complain when his friend was the one who was going to lose everything. “I’ll do everything to help you and to respect you wish.”

“It’s everything I needed to know, take care of my Satoshi, even if you won’t answer to his questions. Thank you, J…”

“For your video games…”

“You can keep it or throw it away, I won’t use it now. I’m going to miss Mario…” Nino chuckled sadly. Jun started his car, deciding to stop this painful conversation. Nino was going to suffer even more, it was useless and cruel to add these harsh comments.

“If I can give you a last advice… Cry… Don’t hold it back… Crying helps you to free the pain in your heart even if you can never heal completely. Cry, Kazu, cry if it appeases you. Being heartbroken hurts so much, but remember that the true misfortune is when your life is only a big desert.”

“Thank you, J…” Nino whispered, already crying silently, one of his hands covering his eyes.

****

At the second Ohno opened the door of his apartment, the singer felt something weird winning his body. Everything seemed to be normal but a bad feeling took place in his heart. Switching the lights on, the singer gasped, discovering an empty apartment. Nothing missed, except all the pictures of him and Nino on the walls and his lover’s video games.

“Kazu?!” Ohno ran to the bedroom which was also empty. “Kazu????!!!!!” Crying and panicking, Ohno checked all the rooms but it was as if his lover had disappeared, as if they had never dated before. “Don’t panic, there must have an explanation… he can’t have disappeared.” Ohno’s blood froze when he saw the necklace and a letter on his pillow. Nino never took it off since all these years. The singer took the letter with shaking hands, already knowing what it would say but needing to read it anyway. His heart was already aching, beating furiously in both fear and pain.

Satoshi,

I’m so sorry for doing it this way but I didn’t want to hurt you more. I can’t stand this relationship anymore, I’m always alone, always under the pressure of your job. You should find someone you will be able to date freely… A girl who will give you what you need in your life. I have seen the way you look at the babies when we walked next to this kindergarten and it’s normal for you to desire a child, something I’ll never be able to give you. It’s about time to act like the adults we are meant to be and to take separate ways. Don’t look for me, I won’t come back. Take care of yourself and be happy.
It’s how the story of our smiles closes. I still can hear your fingers on my skin. I have looked for you everywhere, even elsewhere. I have found you and wherever I am, I fall asleep under your looks and your touches. Your flesh was my flesh. We had made promises, together, we were our tomorrows. From now on, I know the craziest dreams are written with our heart’s ink, with our soul. You gave me what I would have never dreamt about before I met you, a life where every second of you will count in my life even more than the other seconds. I was from nowhere, you have created a world for me. Will you remember one day? I have loved you more than I could possibly imagine. The moments you gave me have a name, “Amazement”. Even without you, I’ll never be alone because you exist somewhere. So, live, Satoshi. Live your life, live your dreams. I’ll be somewhere watching you, loving you and being proud of you.

Your Kazu

The letter fell on the ground as Ohno was trying to control his sobs. His heart was aching so much, as if someone had pierced it with a knife. The love of his life had left him after 6 years of love, as if nothing had happened between them. Nino didn’t love him anymore, had met someone else and had disappeared with all the memories they had shared until today. The singer fell on his knees, holding his head as his sobs were growing louder at each second. Everything was over. All the dreams he had, all the projects he was meant to realize had disappeared in the blink of an eye. Why? Why Nino always thought his career was what he needed to be happy? He loved his job of course, but if tomorrow, everything stopped, he wouldn’t be unhappy as long as he had Nino. But today, Nino was gone, leaving only sadness, pain in his heart and taking away their happiness.

“KAZU!!!!!!!!!” Ohno cried in pain, his fist hitting the ground with despair. It wasn’t possible. All this shit was a big lie. Nino had always sworn they would be together forever.

Four years ago….

“Close your eyes.” Ohno smiled to his lover who obeyed.

“I hope it’s not a bad trick, ojii-san.”

Ohno chuckled and put the necklace around his lover’s neck. “You can open it.” Nino opened his eyes and lowered it before gasping. “Happy anniversary, Kazu!”

“It’s wonderful…” Nino took the silver medallion in his hand.

“Open it.”

The gamer obeyed and gasped, seeing a picture of them inside.

“Like that, I’ll always be with you.” Ohno blushed. “Do you like it?”

“I love it!!!!” Nino jumped in his arms to hug him tightly. “I’ll never take it off! Thank you so much, Satoshi!”

“I’m glad you like it.” Ohno hugged him back with a smile.

“I swear we will always be together, no matter what!”

“Even with my job?”

“I don’t care about the media and paparazzi as long as we are together. We will fight them! Our love is stronger than these fucking bastards! We’ll be together forever!”

Ohno grinned and hugged him tighter. Nino was the only who really knew him and who loved him enough to go through this hard relationship.

Present day…

“LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Ohno yelled while swallowing his nth beer. The singer was a mess, his head spinning, his mind not clear but the pain still persisting in his heart. Despite all the alcohol, it wouldn’t leave, his sadness was growing even more as minutes passed. All he wanted was to jump under a train to stop this nightmare. His tears didn’t want to leave his eyes anymore as he had cried too much during all these hours alone in his dark apartment, the place where he had lived the most beautiful moments of his life with his boyfriend.

****

Nino stared at his new home with sad eyes. The place was great, there was everything he would need but there wasn’t what he needed to live. The gamer knew all this mess was his own choice but it still hurt so much. Did he take the right decision? Did he really choose the best way to give Ohno a better life or did he act like a coward scared of facing the difficulties waiting for him?

“When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have hundred reasons to smile.” Jun patted his shoulder. “Masaki often says that…”

“Masaki?”

“You’ll meet him tomorrow. He will have an important place in your life from now on as I can’t be by your side all day… He will help you to go through this shit…”

“He is right, but for me, there are zero reasons to smile.” Nino sighed. “You can go, you’re exhausted, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? I can stay tonight…”

“No… It’s okay. I’ll look for hundred reasons to smile.” Nino winked.

“Fine. I’ll come back tomorrow. We still have lots of things to plan.”

“Thank you, Jun. I would be lost without you.”

Jun kissed his cheek and left, trying to find what he would answer to Ohno’s questions. His heart wanted to tell him the truth but it wasn’t his right to decide for Nino. His best friend had taken his own decisions and he couldn’t go against it, even if everything was unfair. For Ohno and for Nino.
The young man found Ohno in a pitiful state and lifted him in his arms to lean him in his bathtub. The singer was a total mess, completely drunk and barely conscious.

“Kazu…” Ohno moaned.

Jun sighed and dried him before putting him in bed, hugging him tightly.

“I’m here, Sato… even if I will have to lie to you, I’ll always be there…”

****

Ohno woke up with a moan, his head aching like hell, as if a car had ridden on him. The singer blinked and looked around him, hoping everything was a bad dream and that Nino would be next to him, deeply asleep but his eyes only met a sleeping Jun.

“It wasn’t a dream…” Ohno had to admit with a painful grimace.

“How do you feel?” Jun asked sleepily.

“You came…”

“You were a mess when I found you, I wanted to be sure you would be fine.”

“I’ll never be fine from now on, unless Kazu comes back…”

“I’m sorry…”

“You knew… You knew he was about to leave me.”

“He told me yesterday morning… I’m sorry, Satoshi, he forbade me to tell you…”

“Are you really my friend?! Leave.”

“No, Satoshi! Don’t start to make me the bad guy of the story! You and Nino are two egoists! I love you both and I have to deal with your choices when I don’t want to choose between you! It’s unfair! I never asked to favor one of you! I want you together!”

“I’m sorry… I know it’s unfair to imply you in our problems… Tell me where he is, I’ll make him come back…”

“No. I would love to but I can’t. I have sworn to him I wouldn’t tell you anything, if I hadn’t, he would have cut any link between him and me…”

“Why?! What did I do to make him leave!! I’ll do anything he wants to make him come back! I can even beg him on my knees!!!”

“He doesn’t wish that… Satoshi, I know it’s hard and unfair but… forget him… live your life, it’s his wish…”

“I can’t, Jun. He is my life. I get up and I sing everyday for him! I can’t sing anymore if he isn’t by my side… And you forget how many songs he wrote for me!”

“You will have to seek for a new composer…”

“I can’t…”

“The pain will fade… I know it seems impossible and it’s cruel to tell you that but… time will heal your heart…”

“Leave.”

“Satoshi…”

“LEAVE!!!” Ohno yelled with a sob. Jun sighed and stood up before leaving. Nino was naïve if he thought Ohno would keep living as if nothing happened.

To be continued…

A/N: Hey! Here was the second chapter, I hope you liked it and please, don’t kill me for Nino’s start xD It seems horrible but he really has good reasons and Jun is trying his best to help him even if it kills him to lie to Ohchan, but you will understand later why he just couldn’t let Nino leave his life J
And it make it clear, Nino won’t die xD some readers thought but Nino has left for different reasons and not to die alone in his corner xD
See you next week for the chapter 3, comments are deeply <3, even the short ones and lots of kisses for the readers who left me so kind comments for the previous chapter :D

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